Bad Unicorn by Platte F. Clark

Author:Platte F. Clark
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Aladdin

CHAPTER NINETEEN

ENDING THE HUMAN RACE WITH GUSTO

(THE TECHRUS—FUTURE)

IN THE EARLY DEBATES THAT AROSE FROM THE GREAT AWAKENING, many of the machines wondered what might happen if they blended the destructive appetites and horn-based magic of a unicorn with the weaponized and armor-plated power of a killer robot. Some machines thought they should take any advantage they could get against their human overlords. Others were afraid of losing control over something so powerful. Still others argued over what to call such a hybrid: a “robocorn,” a “unibot,” or possibly even a “uniborocorn.” Names mattered.

Robo-Princess, as she liked to be called, was sitting in a conference room with the network executives. The various studio heads, each a perfectly round metallic sphere, were floating around the antique wooden table. Only the occasional blink from each sphere’s small, uniquely colored light distinguished one floating head from the next. The weekly televised show, Frobbit Hunt, had been the consecutive number-one program for the last one hundred and eleven years; but some critics believed the show was losing some of its freshness.

“We just got the ratings back from Frobbit Hunt: Fire and Ice,” Purple (the color of its single blinking light) announced to the group. The “Fire and Ice” special showcased a wealth of heat- and cold-based weapons. “We got a marginal blip in the one-hundred-year-old to two-hundred-year-old demographic. Particularly from freezers and toaster ovens.”

Robo-Princess gave an electronic snort. “As far as I’m concerned, if you’ve seen one flaming frobbit you’ve seen them all.”

“Precisely,” Green jumped in. “So I’m hoping your earth-shattering announcement is something a bit more dramatic.”

“Because I remember the last time this happened,” Orange interjected, “Frobbit Slingshot was a colossal failure.”

“Who knew they were so unaerodynamic?” Robo-Princess replied. “It must have been all the arm-waving.”

“And let’s not forget about Extreme Frobbit Lawn Bowling,” Blue piped in. “We were told they would roll. They didn’t roll at all—more skidding than actual rolling.”

“Machines, please,” Robo-Princess replied, “every artist must experiment in their medium. Waste is the price of innovation.”

“But we aren’t in the innovation business,” Purple said, its light flickering with a bit more intensity. “We’re in the ratings business.”

“Okay then, you want ratings?” Robo-Princess asked. “How about this: the last human hunt—ever. A special one-night event.”

“Interesting, except for one problem,” Pink jumped in from the far end of the table. “Humans are extinct.”

“But what if they weren’t?”

Magar, who had been floating dutifully next to Princess, opened his mouth so that a lens could project a holographic image on the table in front of them. It showed Max and his friends running through the forest. “That holo-image was taken from our satellite. We almost didn’t get it, some kind of interference in that sector. But look at it yourself—undeniable proof.”

“Impossible!” Purple exclaimed.

“Is somebody playing a joke on us?” Pink asked. “Seriously, my humor array is at the shop so I can’t tell.”

“No and no,” Princess said coolly. “I was actually there and my smell cells made a positive identification. There are humans running around in our world again—something that hasn’t happened in a very long time.

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