All the Single Ladies by Rebecca Traister

Author:Rebecca Traister
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster

Their Way

Conservative polemicist Suzanne Venker (a niece of antifeminist crusader Phyllis Schlafly) wrote in a 2013 Fox News column, “Why Women Still Need Husbands,” “Financial independence is a great thing, but you can’t take your paycheck to bed with you.”22 What’s more, Venker argued, if women have babies, which she felt they should only have with husbands, “There’s no way to be a wife, a mother and a full-time employee and still create balance. But you can have balance by depending on a husband who works full-time and year ’round.” Why not, Venker wondered, “let husbands bring home the bulk of the bacon so women can have the balanced lives they seek?”

Social conservatives, both men and the women who support a male-dominated paradigm of power, are always going to be threatened by the possibility that women might engage satisfyingly with their careers. Undergirding that potential for reward is the possibility that men might get pushed out, become accessories, see the space they would otherwise take up in the female life filled instead by wage-earning work.

It’s threatening because it’s true. But Venker and her compatriots make a mistake in holding up traditionally gender-divided marriages as an appealing alternative to career woman. Because when the choice is between an old-fashioned dependency relationship and work that satisfies, many women are going to choose the work. Research done by PEW, in 2013, reveals that among millennials, women are more willing than men to prioritize their work.23

Frances Kissling spoke of the advantages of being a single person in the workplace. “Professionally, there are certain things that accrued to me. I didn’t have to think about the effect of my actions on a husband or children.” In her line of work—social crusading and agitation—that had particular upsides. “If I got arrested, who cares?”

Holly Clark is a twenty-six-year-old television news camera utility, whose mother’s life was devoted to raising her children. “I am unwilling to do what my mom did,” Clark said, “and that’s give up her life to raise my brother and me. I could never do that. Ever.” Holly said her mother became financially dependent upon her father when she chose to be a stay-at-home mom, locking her into the marriage. Holly sees marriage and career as lifelong commitments, and said that, so far, she has always chosen work. “The minute a relationship has interfered with my career,” she said, “it’s out. Not even a second thought. You fuck with my career, you’re done.” And so, for now, she’s single. “It’s funny,” she said, “people are making plans for New Year’s and all I’m thinking about is hopefully working on a New Year’s Eve special. Other people think ‘Who am I going to give my midnight kiss to?’ and I think, ‘Where is the midnight shot going to be?’ ” Holly acknowledged that her devotion has scared off suitors, because, she said, “For many guys, strong women are not something that they want.”

That’s a note also sounded by Stephanie, a thirty-nine-year-old importer of Guatemalan art and Atlanta native who described her work as “like a love affair.

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