All In by Josh Levs

Author:Josh Levs [Levs, Josh]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3, mobi
Publisher: HarperOne
Published: 2015-05-11T22:00:00+00:00

PART IV

Fatherlessness

The Truth About Fatherlessness

It’s the central irony of modern parenthood and one of the biggest problems our nation faces. Although it’s true that never before have so many dads been so involved in their kids’ lives, never before have so many children been without their fathers.

Fatherlessness gets a lot of attention. But here’s what doesn’t: the fact that the problem is deeply entwined with the other issues we’ve looked at in this book. The different expectations placed on women and men, the stigmas that hurt us all, and the exhaustive schedules of today’s parents contribute to the crisis of absent dads. Fatherhood activists also rightfully point out that there’s a danger in the way the country is responding to fatherlessness. If we keep going down this road, we’ll make these problems worse. The flip side of that is the good news: the things we need, like better policies and an end to stigmas, will help get more dads involved in their kids’ lives.

But before we delve into this, it’s time for a badly needed reality check. Talk of fatherlessness in America is filled with inaccuracies and misleading statistics. It’s another example of how misunderstood and mischaracterized figures generate false headlines.

Some articles and websites say one-third of U.S. children, or even more than 40 percent, live in homes without their fathers. Some say it’s about 24 million kids. These numbers are inflated. For starters, these are often based on assessments of how many kids live without their biological fathers, so they’re including kids with adoptive dads and stepfathers who are dads to them in every way except by blood. But even if you use this broad definition, the current numbers still aren’t that high.

Another figure you see often is that 17 million kids—nearly a quarter of the kids in America—are fatherless. Again, this is inflated. Fortunately, we don’t have this many fatherless children. Census figures show that 17 million kids live in homes with just one parent, their mother. That’s about 24 percent of kids, up from 21 percent in 1991.1 The biggest reason is the increase in couples who never married. Many of those couples break up, even if they planned to stay together when the kids were born.2 The rise in births to unmarried U.S. women peaked in 2008, but the number remains high—about 4 in 10 births, according to federal statistics.3

But many of these kids are not “fatherless.” The homes that they are registered as living in, sometimes for school purposes, are with their mothers. But some of these kids still spend time with their fathers every week. One in six dads who live apart from their kids still talk with them about their day every day. About a third don’t talk with their kids at all. One in four bathe and dress their kids several times a week or every day. But most of the others never do.4

This is why the terms “single mother” and “single father” can be misleading. The person might be both single and a parent, but not parenting alone.

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