A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Ersatz Elevator by Lemony Snicket

Author:Lemony Snicket [Snicket, Lemony]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: ePub Bud (www.epubbud.com)
Published: 2011-08-01T16:00:00+00:00

"These are doilies'" Violet cried. "This box is full of doilies!" And it was true. Scattered around the stage, spilling out of the remains of the cardboard box, were hundreds and hundreds of small, round napkins with a strip of lace around them--the sort of napkins that you might use to decorate a plate of cookies at a fancy tea party. "Of course," the man in sunglasses said. He approached the stage and removed his sunglasses, and the Baudelaires could see that he wasn't one of Gunther's associates after all. He was just a bidder, in a pinstripe suit. "I was going to give them to my brother for a birthday present. They're Very Fancy Doilies. What else could V.F.D. stand for?" "Yes," Gunther said, smiling at the children. "What else could it stand for, please?" "I don't know," Violet said, "but the Quagmires didn't find out a secret about fancy napkins. Where have you put them, Olaf?" "What is Olaf, please?" Gunther asked. "Now, Violet," Jerome said. "We agreed that we wouldn't argue about Gunther anymore. Please excuse these children, Gunther. I think they must be ill." "We're not ill!" Klaus cried. "We've been tricked! This box of doilies was a red herring!" "But the red herring was Lot #48," someone in the crowd said. "Children, I'm very disturbed by your behavior," Mr. Poe said. "You look like you haven't washed in a week. You're spending your money on ridiculous items. You run around accusing everybody of being Count Olaf in disguise. And now you've made a big mess of doilies on the floor. Someone is likely to trip and fall on all these slippery napkins. I would have thought that the Squalors would be raising you better than this." "Well, we're not going to raise them anymore," Esme said. "Not after they've made such a spectacle of themselves. Mr. Poe, I want these terrible children placed out of my care. It's not worth it to have orphans, even if they're in." "Esme!" Jerome cried. "They lost their parents! Where else can they go?" "Don't argue with me," Esme snapped, "and I'll tell you where they can go. They can--" "With me, please," Gunther said, and placed one of his scraggly hands on Violet's shoulder. Violet remembered when this treacherous villain had plotted to marry her, and shuddered underneath his greedy fingers. "I am loving of the children. I would be happy, please, to raise three children of my own." He put his other scraggly hand on Klaus's shoulder, and then stepped forward as if he was going to put one of his boots on Sunny's shoulder so all three Baudelaires would be locked in a sinister embrace. But Gunther's foot did not land on Sunny's shoulder. It landed on a doily, and in a second Mr. Poe's prediction that someone would trip and fall came true. With a papery thump! Gunther was suddenly on the ground, his arms flailing wildly in the doilies and his legs flailing madly on the floor of the stage.

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