A Dose of Hope: a Story of MDMA-Assisted Psychotherapy by Dan Engle

Author:Dan Engle
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BookBaby
Published: 2021-06-22T19:29:38+00:00

Chapter 16

16. Resting, Relaxing…and Feeling

I spent the next few days doing nothing but laying on my sofa or walking my dog.

The only other thing I did was listen to my session with Dr. Kate. She records our sessions for me, and thank god she does. Before this, I never listened to them, but this time I probably listened to that session at least ten times. Every time I listened to it, I learned more, and I made more connections.

Some of those lines she said really hit home the more I thought about them:

Depression comes from a denial of one’s own emotions.

What if you didn’t have parents?

Here’s the problem with turning off the negative feelings from trauma: it also turns off all other feelings.

This is your trauma, and it is your responsibility to work through it.

Other than listening to that session again and again, I didn’t do much of anything else. I didn’t write; I didn’t do my breathing; I didn’t read any of the books Dr. Kate mentioned. I just listened to our session, thought about what she said, and tried to feel what I was feeling.

I found myself swinging wildly between all sorts of emotional extremes: anger one minute, sadness the next, laughing, then crying. I cried at a damn baby food commercial, and I had no idea why! I felt like a crazy person.

Maybe this is worse than I thought?

And if it is, what does that mean?

About me, about my family, about my relationships to them?

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