A Baby for My Billionaire Stepbrother by Cassandra Zara

Author:Cassandra Zara [Zara, Cassandra]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Lost Innocence Publishing
Published: 2015-02-11T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter Six

When I woke up in the morning my mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton. My body ached everywhere, but the constant pounding headache behind my eyes was the worst of it. The cheap beer at the Statesman did awful things to the human body. I wished now that I would have just stayed home. But of course, that had nothing to do with the beer or my hangover.

It felt like a dream, but it was no dream. I touched my lips. They felt puffy and sore from James’s hard kisses, but under my fingers they seemed normal enough. Normal but changed. It seemed impossible for me to get out of my bed, to dress and go downstairs. Life as a normal girl was impossible for me now. He was my brother.

I pulled my sheets up over my head, not wanting to face the day or the black twisted thoughts that were clouding the air and choking me. Waves of contradicting emotions ran over me—the intoxicating joy of knowing he wanted me, if only for a minute in his car last night. The gut-tearing nausea of knowing I could never have him, that it was impossible, that it was wrong.

I rolled over, smothering my face in my pillow until I drifted back asleep.

When I finally did manage to get myself out of bed, I avoided James. He must have had the same idea because we only crossed paths at dinner and on Christmas morning when we had breakfast and exchanged gifts—just clothes and DVDs and simple little things, like every year.

After that, it was even easier to avoid him. Because he left.

I came downstairs after a nap—the day was dark and it was snowing pretty heavily—and Nancy told me he was gone. Apparently he had business things to take care of. "He wouldn’t even let me drive him to the airport," she complained.

So, he didn’t even bother to say goodbye.

Good. It was better that way.

We could avoid each other until next year and by then everything would have been forgotten. Right?

I spent the rest of the day vegging and trying not to think about James. But, of course, I did just the opposite. I went over everything that happened again and again, combing through the details, trying to enhance and remember those that were blurred with drunkenness. Trying to make sense of him, to imagine what he might be feeling.

Yeah, right. I couldn’t even figure out what I was feeling!

Was he running away because he was ashamed, like me? Because he felt something he was afraid of feeling? Or did he really not care at all? Was I just projecting my own feelings on to him? And if I was, what did that mean about how I felt?

I wanted to scream, to run away from my thoughts, but wherever I went they followed.

I waited another day for the weather to clear and decided it was time for me to go. Maybe the air in New York would cleanse me.

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