Words in Pain: Letters on Life and Death by Olga Jacoby

Author:Olga Jacoby
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Skyscraper Publications
Published: 2018-03-25T09:44:29+00:00

MY DEAR DOCTOR,

I strongly object to being patched up, simply to go on a few months longer. The acute misery an operation means to my husband, and the many discomforts it means for me, will not be compensated by any enjoyment I may still at times derive from life. This enjoyment I owe solely to my own conviction, and to your repeated assurance, that I cannot go on very much longer. Because I have made up my mind, with much effort, to make the best of each single day, I do not wish you to conclude from my behaviour that I am appreciating the life I lead and that I should still cling to it. Although I am now mostly cheery, I cannot forget the tremendous moral strain it meant at first, and still means at times, and I feel quite unequal to making another such effort to rise from the moral and physical low level an operation pulls me down to. As my Doctor you must know that I can and will promise no conscious effort any longer, and my resignation to death is so absolute that even the purely physical effort would be lacking. Of course if an operation means a real chance of recovery, or even an interesting scientific experiment, I shall in both cases be willing and helpful, as much as lies in my power. My brothers and sisters all understand and agree with my way of thinking.

London

MY DEAR DOCTOR,

Were you astonished yesterday when I made up my mind so quickly and without anyone’s aid? It was not done on an impulse, as you may have thought. Your visit had inclined me towards an operation, and I know well that my husband would be relieved by anything that could be tried to save me. The cruellest misery to him must be simply to stand by and watch me dying slowly. I purposely did not leave the final decision to him or to you, in order that neither of you should feel the entire responsibility should anything go wrong. Of course, I shall not be lucky enough to die under the operation; I simply think I shall not get over it.

You know me well now; well enough not to worry, I hope! You have been good to me all along! Let May’s needlework express my thanks, too, and cheer you ever in remembering the part you so generously played in a stranger’s life when you found you were needed. As my great wish for your happiness, I wish and hope that you will be to others what you have been to me—a helpful, constant friend; the valuable, real article; a friend who helps to greater self-development. And here is another wish for you:

“He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much; who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he found

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