Watch Out, Hollywood!: More Confessions of a So-called Middle Child by Maria T. Lennon

Author:Maria T. Lennon
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2014-06-30T16:00:00+00:00

There’s a knock. “I’m gonna pee all over you if you don’t open up.”

I open the door. Felix is still half asleep. His pants are around his ankles. His hands are cupping his privates. He runs past me for the toilet. I close the door.

Mom calls out, “You guys want bagels?”

I head downstairs and pull out a chair next to Pen. “Bagels sound great.”

Mom’s in her nightgown. “My alarm didn’t go off and I’m late, late, late.” She runs to my backpack. “Do you have lunch?”

“I did them last night, Mom,” Pen says. “Felix gets hot dogs. Charlie pizza, Fruit Roll-Ups, apple slices—”

“Whoa! Stop right there.”

Is there anything worse than your sister making your lunch for you? “Don’t do my lunch!” I yell at her. “I hate when you pack our lunches.” I look in mine. “I hate apples, hate Fruit Roll-Ups, and the pizza—by the time it’s lunch, it’s disgusting. Mom, please.”

Pen throws my lunch box at me. I say nothing for fear she’ll open her hairy lips.

I leave it there. “Anyway, I have to get to Chad’s this morning for the audition. It’s an emergency.”

“An emergency?” Her eyebrow lifts up.

“The producers want to see me now. It’s do or die.”

Pen shakes her head.

I want to stab her with a butter knife. “Pen. Can you either mind your own business, or get your own dang life?”

“My life is you, Charlie. Don’t you know that by now?” She squeezes my shoulder. The urge to strangle her is overwhelming.

“What time does he want to see you?”

“At eleven.” I ready myself for her usual speech about missing school.

Of course Mom’s already shaking her head. “Um, well . . .” She winces as she goes through her day in her head. “Your dad and I both have an appointment. I can’t get out of it. Can we do it at lunch?”

“Chad says he’ll send a car.” I have to count to ten to stop myself from exploding at the thought of it. I hope it’s a limo. And more importantly, I hope everyone in the entire school will be there to watch me get into it.

“A car?” Mom immediately doesn’t like the idea. “Oh”—long sigh—“I don’t know about that.”

“I’ll call you the second they pick me up. And I’ll have Chad email you the contracts to look at.”

Pen cocks her head again. “Isn’t that a little premature?”

“No.” I grab Mom’s arm and pull her away from my annoying, nosy-as-heck sister. “Please, Mom, please!”

The room is silent. Mom’s shaking her head. The clock’s ticking—it doesn’t look good. I’m about to plead when suddenly Pen says, “Mom, if she gets the show, she’ll be in a car all the time,” Pen says. “It’s totally normal.”

Say what? I shake my head. Why is she suddenly helping me? Pen keeps at her, stating my case until Mom starts nodding like Pen’s making a whole lot of sense. And then she says the magic word: “Fine. But call us when you get there.” And then she launches into “Tell Chad this will not happen again, you hear me? School is the most important thing.

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