Tiny Traumas by Meg Arroll

Author:Meg Arroll [Arroll, Dr Meg]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2022-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

So what?

Response

So what?

It doesn’t seem right that I was given a scholarship and yet I question my career path.

Yeah, but so what?

Because maybe someone else could have used it and been better than me.

But like, so what?

Maybe I stole it from someone more deserving.

So what?

I didn’t deserve it as I can’t seem to be content with my career.

The answer: I don’t feel deserving of my success.

The feelings this conclusion triggers: guilt, shame, self-loathing.

As I said, this technique can appear callous and insensitive, so you may want to inject some humour into it by imagining a good friend’s voice when you use it! This really is a useful way to identify underlying feelings that perpetuate Tiny Ts Themes such as Imposter Syndrome – and once these feelings are brought out into the cold light of day, the Acceptance work can progress in leaps and bounds.

Guilt – name it, don’t shame it

Here we were getting closer to this Acceptance, the central component of the AAA Approach. It transpired that the microaggressions that Kellie had experienced over the years had tapped into a deep, lurking sense of guilt she had about her success – or more precisely, about the assistance she had received in the form of a scholarship to get there. By finally labelling the emotion of ‘guilt’, we could tackle it head-on. Kellie felt guilty about the scholarship and that she didn’t genuinely deserve her success as she’d has this ‘leg-up’. We explored whether this guilt was warranted or unwarranted in the sense of whether she had actively done something wrong or not, and it was important that Kellie sit with this question rather than letting her inner imposter take over. It helped to discuss the Emotobiome here to enable differing emotions to be present simultaneously, even though it was uncomfortable at first.

Don’t let them get you down – the art gallery exercise

Within this Acceptance phase, I also asked Kellie to choose a place she liked going, but one where other people would also be in the space – this could be a museum, cinema, art gallery, or whatever type of public place you like to visit. Kellie opted for an art gallery, so I asked her to imagine walking around, viewing art works in a time-limited exhibition. This would be the only chance Kellie would have to see such pieces; she couldn’t come back another time as it was ending soon. Now, I asked her to imagine there were tons of unruly and inconsiderate people in the gallery – they’re talking loudly and ignoring the usual polite behaviours of such a place. I questioned Kellie on how this made her feel – annoyed, angry and frustrated were words that came to mind. Next, I asked if she would leave this once-in-a-lifetime exhibition because others were behaving in this manner – think about this yourself in your own mental imagery.

Kellie thought about this for some time, and then said, ‘No, I’d stay and take in the art regardless of what other people are doing if this was my only chance.

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