The Great Within by Han F. de Wit

Author:Han F. de Wit
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Shambhala
Published: 2019-05-20T16:00:00+00:00

Let us now take a more detailed look at what moments of openness initiate within us if we no longer pursue, repel, or ignore them and how they are the first steps to transformation. These moments have two sides: what we see clearly and the fact that we see clearly. What we see clearly is our ego-centered habits. The fact that we see clearly is characteristic of these moments themselves. In religious terms, this clarity belongs to the Holy Spirit (being moments of grace), to the Shekinah (Hebrew for the “presence of God”), and to our Buddha-nature when it is given the chance to work within us. We are often struck by what we see at first glance, and the gladdening fact that we can see so clearly may well escape us. As beginners, we do not yet fully recognize the nature of these moments; however, we are able to recognize them sufficiently to see the failure of ego by means of the light that these moments shed on ego-centered preoccupations and games. Most transformative in this moment is that when we see that failure, doubt can arise about the possibility of cultivating insight and joy in life within the walls of our egocentric experience of reality.

Initially, this doubt often manifests itself as a distrusting, critical attitude toward ourselves. We are no longer so sure of our motivations or intentions nor that we see things as clearly as we thought we did. In fact, this is a very positive development because this distrust is born out of the awareness and inkling of an insight that the self-serving attitude that has directed our lives up to this point may, in fact, bring only suffering and confusion. This insight comes with the moment of openness. When that moment has passed, it leaves distrust and doubt behind in the mind as wholesome fruit with the potential for further ripening. Thus, this distrust and doubt are tender and raw and usually uncomfortable. This discomfort and doubt are often at their strongest before we take the first step along the contemplative path, which is why it is important (for us and for those guiding us in this phase) not to gloss over them or reason them away but to make room for and respect them. It is precisely when we have arrived at this uncomfortable point that it is tempting to rid ourselves of this spiritual distrust by escaping into the materialist attitudes of nihilism and fundamentalism. Simply by allowing room for this distrust, a renewed search for yet another buttress can be prevented. After all, distrust is a first, albeit rather one-sided, manifestation of clarity of mind.

The distrust about which we are speaking is usually all-embracing: it is not only distrust with regard to ourselves and the way in which we have attempted to build our lives around ego but also with regard to our surroundings—the demands, expectations, and promises of the world. “If you do what is expected of you, if you have a good job, if you have a nice family, if you have nice friends, then you’ll have made it.

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