The Everything Guide to Stepparenting by Erin Munroe & Irene S.Levine

Author:Erin Munroe & Irene S.Levine
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Adams Media, Inc.
Published: 2009-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

A report by Advocates for Youth cites the statistic that 23 percent of thirteen year olds and 30 percent of fourteen year olds have had sexual intercourse. The Kaiser Foundation reports that almost 4 million teenagers a year contract a sexually transmitted disease.

If your stepchild’s friends are sexually active, it is more likely that your stepchild will face more peer pressure about the subject, and may have already decided to have sex. This can be a tricky area for you. When you have conversations about this topic, try to avoid saying negative things about his friends who have had sex. If he knows you don’t approve of them, he may not want to confide in you about his own concerns.

Another huge issue: Should you tell your partner that his son is thinking about sex? Or do you keep it a secret? Too much secrecy can create a feeling of shame, but not respecting your stepchild’s confidentiality can have very negative affects on his ability to open up to you or trust you. So, what do you do? If your partner is horrified by the thought of your stepson having sex and will show it by becoming angry or disappointed in your stepson, you need to frame the conversation a little differently. Any parent may be a bit uncomfortable with the thought of it, so framing your conversation with your stepson as positively as possible is the best way to proceed.

For example, you could say something like, “Sean’s friends are getting to the age where sex is coming up in conversations, in the shows they watch, and the movies they see. He asked me a couple of really great questions about sex, and I think it a great sign that he is talking about it instead of just doing it like so many kids his age. I wanted you to know that he is getting to that age where we have to think about that, but also hope that you can put your emotions aside a bit. Instead of getting angry or disappointed in him, be proud that he feels comfortable talking about it. I hope to continue having this kind of conversation with him; it is much safer for teenagers who have someone they feel comfortable talking to. I wouldn’t want to ruin that by having him think I am running to you and telling you everything. But I did think it was important that you knew it was on his mind.”

A conversation like this will hopefully help your partner see that this is a good thing, and not something to cause upset. It is understandable that he will have an emotional reaction to it, but hopefully, he will think before he reacts and appreciate the relationship you have built with his son.

Drugs and Alcohol

These are going to be available to your stepchild now more than ever before. It is important to have conversations with your stepchild about the dangers of drugs and alcohol, even if she doesn’t approach you with them.

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