Parenting ASD Teens by Andrew Schlegelmilch

Author:Andrew Schlegelmilch [Andrew Schlegelmilch]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780857009210
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Published: 2014-04-02T04:00:00+00:00

Efforts for Peace and Balance

Most ASD teens I talk to express some level of frustration at not being able to discern the expectations of others. This seems to lead to a frustration loop. They are given instructions that they are frustrated to discover they do not understand fully. The giver of the instructions is now frustrated that the ASD teen does not fully understand and is clearly frustrated, which leads to more and more frustration, and usually a premature and unsatisfying termination of the interaction.

What the ASD teen wanted in the first place, more than anything else, was to maintain balance with their environment. The expectations of adults are usually seen as threatening this balance. They want to be in balance with their physical environment in that they want to be physically comfortable. They want a balance with their internal environment and want to be able to control their mood and anxiety. They also want a balance with their social environment. Not all ASD teens need copious amounts of praise and affection, but they certainly do not want people being upset with them or disappointed with them.

I want to be clear that most ASD teens I talk to are aware, at various levels, that they have failed to meet the expectations of others. This is important to know because the response of the average teen, and especially an ASD teen, can be one of lack of awareness or concern for the feelings of others. This response can be upsetting to the onlooker, and especially the adult who is trying to teach the child to be a good person. In cases like these I have no problem teaching ASD children to perform the pragmatic language skills of someone who cares, regardless of how they feel about the situation. I can do this because I know that at the heart of most ASD teens, they are committed to peace and balance just like me.

Finally, the following is based exclusively on what I have observed over the last number of years working with the ASD population. ASD teens are not necessarily looking for good-will among men, so to speak. They seem to be less interested in everybody liking them and more interested in the absence of ill-will. I get the sense that most of my ASD students really do not care what I think of them inasmuch as none of them are showing me their work and looking for praise. They really care, however, if I criticize them and make them change. But again, I think they are only interested in my approval so long as it means I will generally leave them alone and let them do their thing. This is quite possibly one of the greatest and most fascinating differences between the NT population and the ASD population. When creating a sense of self, the average ASD teen seems to be able to completely ignore the opinions of authorities like me.

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