Noah Can't Even by Simon James Green

Author:Simon James Green
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scholastic UK
Published: 2017-08-25T04:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER TWENTY

Jess was an absolute rascal, bringing bottle two before he had even finished bottle one. And even if the conversation had been desperately awkward to begin with, about halfway through that second bottle he had begun to delight her with witty repartee and sparkling observational comedy. He felt charismatic and confident and utterly brilliant.

Mmmm. Cider.

This was nuts. Normally Jess Jackson wouldn’t give him the time of day. Normally she would only make jokes at his expense. She would not, normally, be sitting next to him on a sofa, sharing her pear cider with him, whilst laughing at his jokes.

Mmmm. Cider, cider, cider.

Something else was weird too. Jess had somehow morphed from being a terrifying horror-clown from hell into a rather charming and beautiful young woman, who was capable of funny jokes and almost-intelligent opinions. And in the warm glow from the floor lamps (which Noah was pretty sure he recognized from the Conran Shop website), her hair looked natural blonde, so maybe it just looked fake under the harsh glare of school strip lights? Her lips were a dark, voluptuous red, and he became hypnotized by them, watching them move as they spoke words. Words of agreement and mutual respect, because somehow, she was acting like they were friends.

It felt so good to be on the inside for once. One of them. No teasing now. No life being made hell. Harry wouldn’t approve, but sometimes you’ve got to think of yourself… Why should Noah be made to feel miserable all the time? He and Jess would never be best mates – God, no – but couldn’t they at least get along? He sat back into the sofa with his legs obscenely far apart, which he assumed would give him the look of a confident and capable man. He wanted Jess to see that he really wasn’t just a geeky little virgin. He was one of the lads. One of the straight lads.

“Why were you out by yourself crying, anyway?” he asked.

“Kirk dumped me.”

“How come?”

“We had a row at Melissa’s party. He wanted me to … he wanted to do stuff.”

“Oh. And did you … do that stuff?”

Jess sighed in a depressed sort of way. “Of course not. Never done nothing with anyone. Kirk was like, ‘What’s the problem?’ and I was like, ‘We’re at a house party!’ I dunno, guess I just wanted the first time to be right and … special, or something. Anyway, seems he’s sick of waiting, because he didn’t speak to me for the rest of the weekend, and this afternoon, he dumped me.”

Well, that’s unexpected news, he thought.

“Everyone’s wrong about me, Noah,” she continued. “Like they’re wrong about you, I guess.”

“They are! They’re wrong about me!” Oh my gosh, they were so alike! A bit. Well, not really, but at least there was some common ground.

“But, I mean,” she continued, “you’re a virgin too, right?”

“What?” he asked, nervously trying to buy time – as if a few seconds would make any difference anyway and someone would shag him in the time it took to answer.

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