No-one Ever Has Sex at a Wedding by Tracy Bloom

Author:Tracy Bloom [Bloom, Tracy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781786818362
Publisher: Bookouture
Published: 2019-03-28T16:00:00+00:00

It took some time to settle everyone around their kitchen table. Largely because there was a minor dispute as to who would sit next to Daniel. Of course, Gabriel wanted to as he was his fiancé but he was soon barged out of the way by Braindead, who stood so close to Daniel that their shoulders were touching. He glared at his sister when she tried to take the seat on the other side of Daniel. She glared back before sticking two fingers up at him. He stuck two fingers back. She slapped his fingers down and then he slapped her hand back and before anyone could dive into the crisps in the middle of the table they were slapping each other like five-year-olds.

‘Children, children!’ said Daniel, grabbing both of their hands and forcing them down. ‘Shall we elevate this meeting to the status that it deserves rather than indulging in petty school playground antics?’

‘Sorry, Daniel,’ said Braindead, sitting down with a thud, still glaring at his sister. Somehow he had assumed he was to be included in the night’s activity despite the fact he hadn’t been invited. Katy hadn’t had the heart to ask him to leave; however, she did have reservations about what contribution he might make to the subject at hand.

Finally, they were all settled and Ben had organised everyone a drink. Katy looked at the large glasses of wine lining the table and had never wanted alcohol more. She knew this whole scenario would look rosier through the filter of several glasses of Chardonnay.

‘So, over to you then, Katy,’ said Daniel when there was a decent lull in conversation. ‘Let’s get started, shall we, and then we can all decamp to Gio’s? Well, those without babysitting issues obviously.’ He grimaced at Katy. ‘Take it away, Katy,’ he said, beaming at her.

‘Bastard,’ she mouthed at him. She couldn’t believe the situation he had put her in as she contemplated how to mastermind a conversation that would lead to Daniel’s wedding wishes being fulfilled.

‘Thank you so much for helping us with this,’ said Gabriel before Katy could get her thoughts in order. ‘So kind of you. So thoughtful. I am so busy that I’m not sure I could do our wedding justice but I know you will be superb and of course you know Daniel so well that you will make sure that it is everything he ever dreamed of.’

Katy nodded and reached over and took a tiny sip of Ben’s wine.

‘And of course it’s just perfect,’ continued Gabriel as if he had just made a major revelation. ‘You know Rita so well too and so you are the perfect person to make everyone’s dreams come true. Cheers to you!’ he grinned, holding his wine glass up to her in a toast. Everyone else picked their glasses up to join him.

Katy didn’t pick up her glass of water. She caught sight of Ben, who was trying not to laugh as he recognised the horrendous position she was in. She grimaced back, thinking perhaps he wasn’t such a perfect husband.

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