Ms. Sue Has No Clue! by Dan Gutman

Author:Dan Gutman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2013-03-11T04:00:00+00:00

“Well . . . okay.”

“Good,” Ms. Sue said. “That will cost you one dollar.”

WHAT?!

6

Cowabunga!

I decided not to buy another fish from Ms. Sue. If that one died, I’d be stuck with two dead fish. And I hate dead fish.

Me and the gang played a few more games, and then Ms. Sue announced that we had raised two thousand dollars. We all whooped and hollered.

“Everybody come over to the soccer field,” Ms. Sue shouted into her bullhorn. “It’s time to play bingo!”

“I love bingo!” we all yelled.

We rushed over to the soccer field. It was weird, because there was an orange plastic fence around the field. The grass was marked off like a big checkerboard with white chalk lines.

“How do you play bingo on a soccer field?” I asked.

“Beats me,” said Ryan.

Some of the parents set up drums and other musical instruments, and they started to play oldies from a million hundred years ago. That’s when the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened. A truck drove up to the field, and it was pulling a trailer.

Ms. Sue opened the door of the trailer. And do you know what walked out of it?

A cow!

“This is Dr. Moo,” announced Ms. Sue. “Welcome to Cow Pie Bingo!”

“I didn’t know that cows ate pie,” I said.

“They don’t, dumbhead,” said Andrea. “Cow pies are poops.”

“Your face is a poop,” I told Andrea.

“Oh, snap!” said Ryan.

“Here’s how we play Cow Pie Bingo,” said Ms. Sue. “You folks each get to buy one square of the soccer field for twenty dollars. If Dr. Moo drops a cow pie on your square, you win a hundred dollars. The rest of the money goes to the school.”

It sounded like the weirdest game in the history of the world, but all the grown-ups ran over to the ticket booth like they were giving away gold or something. Even my parents bought a square of the soccer field.

“Put your money on a square, any square!” shouted Ms. Sue into the bullhorn.

“This game sounds a lot like gambling,” said Little Miss Perfect. “I’m not sure that’s a good message to send to children.”

“Can you possibly be more boring?” I said.

“Where do you think Ms. Sue got that cow?” Michael asked.

“My mom got it from Rent-A-Cow,” Alexia told him. “You can rent anything.”

After all the grown-ups got their tickets, Ms. Sue brought Dr. Moo out to the middle of the soccer field.

“Let the game begin!” shouted Ms. Sue as she released the cow.

All the grown-ups started chanting and cheering for Dr. Moo to poop on their square. It was hilarious.

“Poop on number six!” somebody shouted. “I could use a hundred bucks.”

“No, poop on number ten!” shouted somebody else.

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