Mr. Nick Is a Lunatic! by Dan Gutman

Author:Dan Gutman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2016-08-10T04:00:00+00:00

I slapped my forehead. What a crybaby!

Finally, after we waited for a million hundred minutes, we got up to the front of the line. There was a lady behind the counter. I had never seen her before.

“Where’s Ms. LaGrange, our regular lunch lady?” Ryan asked her.

“She’s on strike with all the teachers,” the lady said. “My name is Miss Julia.”

“You’re not a real cook, are you?” asked Alexia.

“Of course I’m a real cook,” said Miss Julia. “In fact, I’m Mr. Nick’s personal cook and nutrition adviser.”

Oh no. I didn’t like the sound of that.

“What would you kids like to eat for lunch today?” asked Miss Julia. “You can have anything you want.”

“I’ll have a hot dog,” I said.

“I’ll have chicken fingers,” said Andrea.

“I’ll have a hamburger,” said Alexia.

“Sorry,” Miss Julia told us. “I don’t eat meat, and I don’t serve meat.”

“You’re a vegetarian?” Michael asked.

“No,” said Miss Julia. “I don’t eat vegetables either, and I won’t serve them.”

“How about eggs?” Ryan asked. “Do you eat eggs?”

“Eggs?! Are you crazy?” said Miss Julia. “Do you have any idea what they do to the chickens that lay those eggs?”

“Milk? Cheese?” I asked hopefully.

“Please! Dairy?” said Miss Julia. “No way! It’s out of the question.”

“Seafood?” asked Andrea. “Could I have some tuna fish, please?”

“Nope,” said Miss Julia. “Tuna is full of mercury and other chemicals.”

“Can I just have a piece of bread?” asked Alexia. “I’m really hungry.”

“Sorry. This is a gluten-free school now. No bread.”

“So what can we have for lunch?” I asked. “You said we could have anything we want.”

“Aha!” said Miss Julia. “You’re in luck. Today we are serving some delicious, organic, gluten-free, all-natural, free-range water. With no preservatives.”

Wait. WHAT?!

“You’re giving us glasses of water for lunch?” I asked.

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