Lucky Girl by Jamie Pacton

Author:Jamie Pacton [Pacton, Jamie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Page Street Publishing
Published: 2021-04-02T00:00:00+00:00

August 19

Hi, Dad. It’s now been five years and two days since you died. I miss you for so many reasons, and it’s too bad you’re not here. My boyfriend, Holden, just broke up with me a few days ago, and I really could use a shoulder to cry on. Or someone to punch him in his stupid face. Though I suppose I could do that, but then I’d have to see him again. We dated for two years. But then he got bored or something. I guess I wasn’t enough. Sure, his excuse was that he “just needed some space,” but I think that means he wanted to see other people. I don’t know, and maybe I don’t care. But it hurts. So fucking badly. I feel like there’s an eel eating my insides.

Remember when you told me, “Never let one person be the only person in your life”? I’ve tried to keep that in mind as I started dating, but it seems like most people in high-school relationships at least want you to be their one and only. Maybe I wanted that too. I think I just wanted to be special to someone. To be their everything. To know they weren’t going anywhere. But clearly I wasn’t enough for Holden. Which I know is not the end of the world—I’m only seventeen, I’ll meet other people, but. Gahhh.

Remember when you told me, “The world is huge; go see it”? I think of that all the time, too. But I’m so afraid to leave this town. Even though I have things I want to do in the world. It’s stupid to be ruled by fear. I know. But I still wish you were here. Mom’s not doing well …

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