Journey to the Core of the Masculine: Conversations About Men and Masculinity by Graham Reid Phoenix

Author:Graham Reid Phoenix [Phoenix, Graham Reid]
Language: swe
Format: epub
Tags: Health; Fitness & Dieting, Men's Health, General, Parenting & Relationships, Self-Help, Relationships, Love & Romance, Two Hours or More (65-100 Pages), Personal Health
Amazon: B00IMGTJHY
Publisher: Embers Press
Published: 2014-02-23T00:00:00+00:00

Lunch Day 2 - Sex, Domination and Mid-Life Crisis

Chris:

This is our fourth interview with myself, Graham Reid Phoenix and Cheta. We broached today's topic in our very first interview where I left, you know, a cliffhanger-type question at the end that we're going to go into and we never closed that loop, so we're going to come back and talk about that.

In our last interview, we're going to move into the topic of sex, and so we can start there today. I'd love to talk about sex. I'd love to talk about midlife crisis and other things.

Graham:

Well, the two are so tied in together.

Chris:

Oh, really? Before linking them, why don't we go back and just talk about sex first. I want to hear how they're linked later.

From the perspective of masculine energy and what we're learning about becoming a real man growing up for a lot of us, what are your views on sex in general? When do you have sex? What does sex mean once you have it?

Graham:

The first thing, particularly when you're young, teenage years or early 20s, sex for most boys and young men becomes an expression of their masculinity. When you grow up, you're not sure, always, how to express that masculinity. The peak of it comes in sex and comes in that physical expression of who you are. The danger is that when you're good at it, and you enjoy it, that becomes your masculinity.

Chris:

Actually having sex is the way that you are a man.

Graham:

The way you are a man with a woman. The trouble is that women don't see it that way, and you get this dichotomy between men and women, where women are looking for emotional clarity, emotional strength and men are looking to wow their woman, drag her off to bed and give her a great time. While women enjoy that, it doesn't, for them, create a relationship. Men get confused because it's given them their success in the past.

Eventually they meet a woman who they have a great night with, but nothing comes of it; so they get confused. As they get a bit older, because masculinity is all about performance – sex is about performance – performance starts being affected. A man doesn't know how to deal with it. He doesn't know how to deal with rejection from women; he thinks he's being rejected because he's not good enough. He's not good enough in bed, his performance isn't great. I'm sure you know. I've been there.

Chris:

I've been there, too.

Graham:

I know many men who've been there. They don't know how to deal with it. They try and deal with the performance issue, They then get addicted to porn, which we use to try and create that edge, which makes things worse. Then there's pills – little blue pills – I've taken the little blue pills.

Chris:

Yeah. I'm not a big porn guy myself. It's just not my thing. But I know a lot of people who are. Most people when I talk to them, they're surprised that I'm not.

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