How to Think Like a Roman Emperor: The Stoic Philosophy of Marcus Aurelius by Donald J. Robertson

Author:Donald J. Robertson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin's Press

4. DO SOMETHING ELSE

You’ve identified which desires you want to overcome, learned how to spot their early warning signs, and practiced how to pause and gain distance from them. In a sense, the best thing to do next is nothing. In other words, do not respond any further to the feelings of desire. You can certainly come back to those feelings later if you need to. Take a time-out instead of acting on the desire. You might want to leave the situation where you’re experiencing temptation. Many types of urges only last a minute or so at a time, although they may recur throughout the day. You only have to deal with the present moment, though, one instance of an urge or craving at a time. So having caught those feelings early and reminded yourself that it’s mainly your thinking that’s causing your feelings, just refrain from acting on the desire or go and engage in a different activity instead, something healthy that you find intrinsically rewarding. You are always free to do something else.

For example, suppose you’re in the habit of drinking a glass of wine every evening after work, but that’s gradually turned into a bottle of wine, perhaps sometimes two bottles. That’s not going to be healthy for you in the long run. Perhaps you’ve also decided your evenings would be better spent reading or going to evening classes instead, because that’s the sort of person you’d rather be. You know that being at home in the early evening is your trigger situation for engaging in this habit. You’ve noticed that it starts when you feel bored and agitated, and you tell yourself that you need a drink to relax. Now you’re getting better at catching the urge to drink as soon as it begins to appear. You notice your thoughts, and you’re aware of how they influence your feelings. You tell yourself, “It’s not the wine that makes me feel desire but the way I’m thinking about it.” So having paused and taken a step back from those feelings, the next step is to not pour yourself a glass of wine and to refrain from doing so long enough for the desire to abate. Additional temptations won’t last long, and you can deal with the feeling again in exactly the same way, one step at a time, if it comes back.

Instead of pouring a glass of wine, do something else: perhaps leave the house for a change of scenery. Do something that gives you a sense of genuine accomplishment rather than just a fleeting and empty sensation of pleasure. If you’re determined to break this sort of habit, you can remove temptation by getting rid of any bottles and wine glasses in your house and making a commitment not to buy replacements. You can engage in healthy “substitute behaviors” instead, like drinking fruit smoothies or herbal teas. Of course, what you do will depend on the type of habit that you want to overcome, but you get the general idea.

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