How to Talk to Your Child About Sex by Linda Eyre Richard Eyre

Author:Linda Eyre, Richard Eyre
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-11-22T16:00:00+00:00

Predators: Who They Are and How to Avoid Them.

We thought at one time that “predators” was a good word to use with kids. By telling them the meaning of the word in the animal world—an animal that preys on the young and weak—we thought that protection could be enhanced.

We’ve since become convinced that the positive, “beautiful and awesome” approach to sex is more powerful and motivational with children. We’re therefore extremely cautious about introducing any more fear than is absolutely necessary. A dialogue like the following can be helpful without being overly frightening.

We’re dealing here with a type of predator that is less sinister and less calculating than the pedophile and the abusers discussed earlier. These more common predators, who certainly wouldn’t think of themselves as such, are older boys and men who date and manipulate younger girls.

Well over half of teen pregnancy is caused by a male four or more years older than the pregnant teen. The simple truth is that helping and encouraging our daughters to put off dating until their mid-teen years and then to date boys close to their own age is the most effective thing we can do to help them avoid trouble.

DIALOGUE

Amanda, how old do you think you want to be when you get married?

Response.

The average age of marriage for girls who go to college is about twenty-four or twenty-five. You are eleven, so how many years do you have to go?

Amanda: Thirteen or fourteen.

That’s a long time, Amanda. Even when you’re fifteen, you’ll still have nine or ten years. Do you think there’s any big hurry to start dating?

Amanda: Not really.

I don’t, either. Do you think some girls start dating too soon?

Response.

(Most girls under twelve don’t feel particularly anxious to date, so they are likely to agree.)

What could be some problems with dating too soon?

Amanda [help and clues]: It’s a little uncomfortable to be alone with a boy for a whole evening when you’re young. You might feel a little embarrassed, and you might miss out on a lot of fun with your friends or with group-type things. You could also get pressured to do sexual things long before you were ready.

Can you still have fun with boys and be friends with boys if you’re not dating?

Amanda [help and clues]: Sure. There are birthday parties and group activities and school things.

There are two kinds of dating, as you know. One is group dating, where you’re with a boy but it’s in a big group and you’re never alone. Even on the way there or the way back, you’re always at least double-dating because there are at least two couples in the car. The other kind of dating is alone—just you with a boy. What do you think is the best age to start each kind?

(Discuss: Bring out as many reasons as possible for waiting until high school, ninth grade or so, for group dating and for sophomore year or age sixteen for single dating. Point out that kids who wait this long usually have more fun both before and after they start dating.

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