Exile from Eden by Andrew Smith

Author:Andrew Smith
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers

Survival Gear

The supplies from the Rome hole ended up being more than we needed and were also more than we could figure out.

Three of the barrels were filled with drinking water, and the other three contained smaller buckets of rice, beans, spices, and dehydrated food that was sealed inside vacuum pouches, along with other nonedible survival supplies. Among those items we found flashlights and a solar battery charger, a .45-caliber handgun and ammunition, a first aid kit, a handheld fire starter, packages of medicine, a carton of fifty colorful butane lighters, and a plastic-wrapped purple box of something neither one of us had ever heard of before.

The box said this on it:

durex® extra sensitive™ ultra-thin condoms with extra lube for heightened sensitivity

“Any idea what ‘ultra-thin condoms’ are?” I said.

Mel shook her head. “Maybe it’s something to eat. The box is an appetizing color. They’re probably sweets. You know, to make you feel good, if you’re sensitive about living in a hole throughout the duration of a mass-extinction event.”

“I don’t get the ‘lube’ and ‘sensitivity’ thing. Maybe they’re used in a motor or something.”

“Yeah, maybe they are,” Mel said.

“Or maybe condoms were invented for people who were very sensitive about frightening movies with things like Bigfoot and murderous birds. Condoms are a kind of medicine, which sensitive people would put in their ears and eyes, so they could enjoy terrifying things in the presence of other people who did not have heightened levels of sensitivity to such things,” I offered.

“Judging from what I know of the world before the hole, as you say, I think condoms were a definite necessity in that case,” Mel said.

All stories are true.

“No doubt, Mel. I’m going to open the box and see what they are used for.”

Mel sat down on one of the little bunk beds next to me. She wanted to see what was inside the box too.

It was almost like Christmas, but without the bitterness and arson.

The box contained thirty-six little packets, as well as a glossy pamphlet with very small print and black-line illustrations that gave instructions on how to use ultra-thin condoms with extra lube.

I said, “Oh.”

Mel leaned against my shoulder, looking at the diagrams on the instruction sheet.

“They’re for your penis,” she pointed out.

“Apparently.”

She took the page from my hands and read aloud. “ ‘Once the penis is erect, open the condom package. Squeeze the tip of the condom with your fingers, and unroll the condom over the head of the penis until the entire penis is completely covered. Leave a half-inch space at the tip of the condom to collect the semen.’ ”

I cleared my throat. The temperature inside that little hole had risen significantly.

Mel said, “This is really interesting.”

“Um.”

“Are you turning red? What’s wrong with you?”

“Nuh—nothing,” I said.

Sweat dripped from my armpits, tickling my ribs. Despite the fact that I was wearing Julian Powell’s rule-breaker Wolverines basketball jersey, it was entirely too hot down here. I was also getting an erection and did not want to stand up.

Well, I wasn’t actually getting one; I had one.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.