Embracing Lilith by Mark H. Williams

Author:Mark H. Williams [Williams, Mark H.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Circulos Tenebris Matrem Arcanas
Published: 2019-10-01T03:00:00+00:00

Chapter Thirteen

Years passed, the tree matured and grew big. But Inanna found herself unable to cut down the tree. For at its base the snake “who knows no charm” had built its nest. In its crown, the Zu-bird—a mythological creature which at times wrought mischief -had placed its young. In the middle Lilith, the maid of desolation, had built her house. And so poor Inanna, the light-hearted and ever-joyful maid, shed bitter tears. And as the dawn broke and her brother, the sun-god Utu, arose from his sleeping chamber, she repeated to him tearfully all that had befallen her huluppu-tree.

—Sumerian Epic of Gilgamesh

I searched and searched for any trace of Cain or Samael but couldn’t find them anywhere. My daughters reported on hostile creatures tempting humans and causing disruption, but any time I investigated it proved to be just some minion of Samael’s and not him. Even in my dreams, I felt I made no progress. I would drop my consciousness, and the only dreams that would come involved the same sequence of Elohim floating over me, telling me I would have to choose.

I grew weary. I had been wandering the earth for so long with no answers, and it just became too much. I had such guilt over Samael and all he had destroyed that I had reached my end. On top of it all, I felt completely alone. Why did everyone I love abandon me? Even Cain had left. I knew logically he had only done it to save me and his family, but I still mourned him. I realized the biggest loss, the one that ached most in my soul, was that of my Mother and Father. Why had Yahweh Elohim abandoned me? My mind played tricks with me and made me wonder if I had been the root of it all. Maybe I was unlovable?

I knew I had to do something drastic or I would grow so despondent I would give up and maybe even try to find a way to destroy myself. I debated and debated but decided my best course of action was to retreat from the world using magic. I could drop my consciousness, spend time healing, and hopefully dream on the missing memories of my creation.

I found an ancient tree in the middle of Mesopotamia, in a desolate area where no one lived. I built a circle of stones around the tree and cast magic. I called upon the secret name of God, invoking the elements, the directions, and the archangels to make the tree a sacred space. When I finished the ritual, I slipped back into spiritual form and entered the tree. I became one with it and lost all touch with the outside world.

There were dreams; many, many dreams. I dreamed about my life from my creation in Eden until I entered the tree. Some of the dreams took on horrific nightmare qualities with Samael as big as a mountain, towering over me and destroying everything I loved. Other dreams I assume came from contact with my daughters.

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