Dread by Ai

Author:Ai
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
Published: 2013-11-15T00:00:00+00:00

TRUE LOVE

I absorb you through my skin,

then exhale you like a breath held too long.

I inhale again, air scented like cloves, oranges and musk,

by the candles I bought just for tonight,

as you slide your fingers inside me,

pull them out and wipe them on my thigh.

My fluid dries in the breeze

from the fan that does not cool.

Ninety-five degrees and nothing

to ease us back from the precipice,

where we stand, staring down.

We end here tonight,

or descend from the heights of passion

to become a couple.

You look into my eyes,

trying to read my desire,

as if it will tell you what to do.

You put your hand in the fire

and now it’s burning you,

turning you into another one of my possessions.

It’s what you want. If you didn’t

you wouldn’t beg to be poured into my mouth.

I press your face down

and say, “That’s where I am.”

You get up after I’m done, wash and dress

and I lie watching you,

waiting for you to give me a sign you’ll come back.

“You’re destroying me,” you say.

I can’t stay away from you and it’s too much.

I can’t work, or think about anything

but how sweet you taste

and that place where you put your hand last time.

“You mean up your ass?” I say,

delighting in being crass,

provoking you, a pastime of mine.

“I won’t let you make me the villain of this B movie.

Why don’t you go home to Mommy,

but you can’t fuck her, can you?”

That gets to you. I knew it would.

You slam the door on the way out

of our favorite hotel room

in Bisbee, Arizona.

Our vacation in hell, if you ask me,

but you love the atmosphere,

love the “primitiveness” of it.

No air-conditioning, dial phones,

an old-fashioned iron bed

and a small black-and-white TV, no cable.

Just you, just me.

“Nothing between us and our lust,” you said,

but there is, isn’t there?

It’s eternity. It’s the thing always out there

when people start caring about each other.

It smothers love eventually,

yet we need it.

We pursue it single-mindedly.

I lie in bed contentedly, despite my unease,

thinking maybe you freed yourself from me this time,

until I hear your key in the lock,

then I turn, facing the mirrored bathroom door

and pretend to be asleep,

imagining how tomorrow you’ll be so glad

I didn’t see you raise the heavy, glass ashtray

above my head for a few minutes,

before you put it back on the table

and admitted to yourself at last

that you belong to me.

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