Dog Is My Co-Pilot by Bark Editors

Author:Bark Editors [Bark]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-52149-1
Publisher: Crown
Published: 2009-02-04T00:00:00+00:00

The next foray in her campaign consisted of a mailing, eight double-sided pages of pictures and descriptions of her menagerie. The cover page sported the title “Full Disclosure,” and as usual, Diana meant what she said. She was certainly no mistress of persuasion—we already knew that. Yet these pages set a new standard in their complete refusal to make even the smallest nod to the principles of salesmanship. Beneath a grainy picture of each animal she described their routines in detail—ear cleanings, pillings, and other noxious chores—as well as offered predictions as to what health problems they were likely to suffer in the future. Then there were their habits and eccentricities: This one had to drink from the tap in the kitchen, that one slept under the covers by Diana's knees, and on and on. For the armchair behaviorists among us, the document offered interesting anecdotal evidence of how creatures adapt to hardship and abuse/luxury and pampering—not to mention what it revealed about Diana. No wonder she never went out!

After receiving these pages we called to ask how she was. “Not bad, with the minor complication of stage-four lung cancer,” she replied.

Wasn't she doing anything at all?

“I'm killing the pain. Of course, they're queer about that, never want to give you enough. What difference does it make if you become addicted to opiates when you're riddled with the big C? I have my sources, though. Veterinary drugs are easy to come by.”

We told her we knew lots of doctors and had ins at the university hospital if she'd like us to make a few calls. She responded by lecturing us on birds and their need of water in the winter; we could buy solar birdbaths from such-and-such catalogs.

“So no decision yet?” she prompted.

Not yet, we replied.

“Don't wait too long, or I won't be around to hear it. But no pressure!” Ha ha ha.

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