Compassionate Leadership by Rasmus Hougaard & Jacqueline Carter & Marissa Afton & Moses Mohan

Author:Rasmus Hougaard & Jacqueline Carter & Marissa Afton & Moses Mohan [Rasmus Hougaard]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harvard Business Review Press
Published: 2022-01-17T16:00:00+00:00

Be Curious and Don’t Make Assumptions

We have all been on the receiving end of hard messages. We all know how we feel when we hear things we don’t want to hear. And although it can be very useful to put ourselves in others’ shoes, it can be a trap. Too often we think we know how someone feels and are blind to what they are actually experiencing. This makes it difficult to connect. It also makes the other person feel even worse, because they feel unheard, unseen, or simply misunderstood. Instead, to be more present with others, we need to set aside our biases, our assumptions, and our fears, and bring genuine curiosity to the conversation.

Curiosity starts with a beginner’s mind. Try to see the situation and the person with fresh eyes instead of assuming that you know what they will say or how they will feel. In “hard” conversations, it is particularly important to pay attention to what they are saying, as well as what they are not saying. Be sure to notice their tone of voice, their body language, their facial expression. Is there anything you can sense that they may not be sharing? And instead of making assumptions about what you notice, ask questions.

Potentially insensitive questions start with assumptions like “I know this is really difficult for you” or “I understand how you feel” or “I know you are upset.” These things could be true, but they are all assumptions based on our own experiences and biases. They fail to give space to the other person to have their own unique experience. And thus, they don’t serve us well.

Wiser questions come from a place of genuine care and compassion. These questions could go something like “Would it be helpful for you to tell me how you feel?” Or “Is there anything I can do for you right now?” Or “Is there anything I can share or explain to help make this easier for you?”

Pamela Maynard, CEO of Avanade, shared with us how she strives to create space for people to be heard. She is intentional about seeking out the people in the room who might be holding back or might not feel comfortable speaking up and inviting them into the discussion. For Pamela, being attentive to the diversity of the group and creating space for diverse voices is key to creating a more wise, compassionate, and inclusive culture.

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