Breaking Free by S.M. Koz

Author:S.M. Koz [Koz, S.M.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Literature & Fiction, Teen & Young Adult, Contemporary Fiction
ISBN: 150842621X
Amazon: B00M4Y83XG
Publisher: SM Koz
Published: 2014-07-29T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 24: August 25

“you said you didn’t have those sorts of feelings for him,” Marta says, back to knitting. I had given her the high-level review of what happened rather than the play-by-play.

“That was the only time something like that happened. I think it was the result of me cutting him. I was never drawn to him in that way before then.”

“Your feelings were a result of cutting him?”

I nod.

“But I thought you said you didn’t feel the normal rush while cutting. It wasn’t until he held your hand that you felt something.”

“It was weird,” I admit.

She shakes her head and her lips curl into the faintest smile. “Do you want to know what I think?”

“Not if you’re going to tell me I’m a terrible person for hurting him.”

“Of course not, cariño. He asked you to do it.” She drops her knitting needles and takes my hand in both of hers. “I think what you felt had nothing to do with cutting.”

I tilt my head and stare at her, not quite sure what she’s trying to say.

“I think, in that moment and the rest of the night, you felt something more than friendship for him. I think you loved him.”

I roll my eyes and snicker at her comment.

“You can laugh, but hear me out on this. Before any of this started, let’s say a year ago, would you have sat perfectly still while someone cut your arm?”

“I—I don’t know. Maybe if it was Jenna. Someone I trusted.”

“Yes. Trust. He was showing you that he had complete and utter trust in you.”

“Maybe he just wanted to see if it felt good.”

“Or try to better understand you.”

“What’s any of this have to do with love?”

“How many times in your life has someone showed complete and utter trust in you and cared enough about you to want to understand what you were thinking and feeling?”

I open my mouth, ready to give her a quick answer, but no sound comes out. We both know the answer so there’s no need to speak.

“He wanted to see you. The whole you. The good, the bad, and the ugly, and let you know that he accepted you. Every last bit of you.”

My mind tries to process her words. He didn’t act any different towards me after I cut him. He really did accept me. The real me.

“Of course, that’s just my humble opinion,” Marta says.

“Omigod,” I whisper slowly. Could my nanny be right? Could she see something that I was blind to? Something that I’ve never experienced before.

I cover my mouth with my hand, too stunned to speak.

“What are you thinking?” Marta asks after a few moments.

I shake my head as the words form in my mouth. She might be right. “I might love him. Loved him,” I whisper. I’m staring straight ahead at the fireplace. I can’t believe I didn’t see that before.

“We need to find this boy so you can tell him how you feel.”

“W—we can’t,” I mumble, cradling my head in my hands.

“Why not?”

“He’s dead.

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