Babyhood (9780062098788) by Reiser Paul

Author:Reiser, Paul
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2012-02-02T05:00:00+00:00

This all-purpose phrase also works as a marital greeting. The “Hi-sweetie-how-was-your-day” of yesteryear is now replaced with the more simple, direct, and mildly irritated “It’s your turn.”

Before you have a child, you and your spouse are many things to each other: friends, lovers, competitors, partners . . . Upon producing a child, you relate to each other primarily as sentries.

The two of you are guards who rotate shifts monitoring and protecting your new charge.

When Baby enters your world, there’s no time for intimate conversation between Husband and Wife. In fact, the extent of conversation often consists solely of the reporting of Baby’s “eating-sleeping-pooping” status—just before the changing of the guard.

“Hi.”

“He ate, he napped, he needs to be changed.”

“I just walked in. Can I take a shower?”

“You should’ve showered before we had a kid. It’s your turn.”

Then, like buck privates relieving one another at Guantanamo, you’re on duty and your wife gets a four-hour pass.

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