Why I Jumped by Tina Zahn

Author:Tina Zahn
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2010-10-01T00:00:00+00:00

“No, that is not a church. A building with pews and an altar and a cross and stained glass—that’s a church!” Daniel slammed the car door and shoved the key into the ignition.

“It is a church! They worship God in there. What more does a church need?”

I’d asked Daniel to attend Green Bay Community Church with me, and I’d been so sure he was going to see what I saw—feel what I felt. I couldn’t have been more wrong. He hadn’t liked a single thing about it.

Crushed, I sat there and stared out the window as we drove home in near silence. The only one who seemed to feel like talking was Sarah, rattling on from the backseat about what she had learned in children’s church.

When Daniel’s parents and grandmother stopped over later in the day, the battle began again.

“I know someone who goes to that church,” Greatgram interjected as I tried to explain what I liked about it. “She was always pushing me and pushing me to go there. It was like an obsession with her or something, like I’m not a Christian if I don’t attend there.”

Deborah nodded in total agreement. “She did the same to me. It made me so uncomfortable. I just know it’s a cult.”

“It’s not a cult!” Why couldn’t I make them understand?

“I don’t know if it’s really a cult or not.” Daniel shoved back from the table and headed for the refrigerator. “But I can tell you it’s not a church. Where are their core beliefs? The Lutherans, the Methodists, the Presbyterians—they have core beliefs. What are these people’s core beliefs?”

I could only stare at my hands clasped in front of me on the table as Daniel and his family continued to condemn what I had found to be the source of such joy. I’m sure they were all trying to be helpful, but it felt as if they were ganging up on me, forcing me to bend back to their way, their church, their idea of what I should be. When was someone going to love me for who I was and accept the choices I made for myself?

The next morning I made a point of going to the nearest Christian bookstore and buying a couple of CDs of some new worship music. I found a radio station that broadcast sermons from some of the more popular pastors across the country and played upbeat, uplifting worship music. It was so invigorating and stimulating, I kept it on most of the day.

During the week, things appeared normal on the surface, but on Sunday mornings, the tension was manifested in a battle of wills. Daniel would insist on attending the Lutheran church, while I insisted on attending Green Bay Community Church.

My relationship with God became almost secretive. Daniel would go off to work in the morning, Sarah would go to preschool, and I would sit down and work my way through an online Bible study by Beth Moore, a popular teacher and best-selling author. No one knew, and I wasn’t going to tell them.

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