What You Must Think of Me: A Firsthand Account of One Teenager's Experience With Social Anxiety Disorder by Emily Ford & Linda Wasmer Andrews & Michael Liebowitz

Author:Emily Ford & Linda Wasmer Andrews & Michael Liebowitz
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: ISBN-13:, Self Help, Psychology, Biography, 9780195313024
ISBN: 9780195313024
Publisher: Oxford University Press, USA
Published: 2007-06-05T21:00:00+00:00

74

What You Must Think of Me

about—the treatment that I thought was only for the lucky, rich,

or well connected—was suddenly available to me. I had neither

money of my own nor highly placed friends, but I was deter-

mined, and it was determination that set everything in motion.

It took courage to address my anxiety with the seriousness it

deserved. In the past, I had made fun of myself and laughed off

my problems, but now I was forced

It took courage to

to admit to my parents that anxiety

address my anxiety with

was affecting my life to a sober-

ing degree. Bravery in this con-

the seriousness it

text meant being completely hon-

deserved.

est with them, knowing full well

that they might view the trip as just another selfish scheme that

was probably doomed to failure. Mustering the confidence to

counter their skepticism wasn’t easy for me. It was tempting to

call everything off, but that would have gotten me nowhere.

Adding to my trepidation was the knowledge that, once I

began five days of intensive treatment in Washington, I would

be asked to do the very things I had so long avoided. I would

be expected to go into stores and restaurants, ask for help at

service counters, maybe even talk on the telephone. To make

the most of this opportunity, I also would need to put myself

on the line and be totally candid with the therapist.

Getting Intense in Washington

Despite my reservations, I was more optimistic about try-

ing this treatment program than I had been about anything

else for a long time, and my eagerness soon won over my par-

ents. Before long, I found myself at the treatment center in

Washington.

I was assigned to Dr. Q. for treatment. From day one, I felt

comfortable sharing my experiences with her. Dr. Q. seemed

Five Days That Changed My Life

75

at ease, too, as she listened attentively to everything I said. I

can’t say for sure whether or not she felt as though we clicked,

but something definitely clicked inside me.

I was as forthright as I had ever been about my history,

speaking as openly as I could about my troubled relation-

ships, failed jobs, and alienation from my family. Dr. Q. showed

nothing but interest—no alarm, no annoyance. It felt incred-

ibly good to finally release so many thoughts that I had kept

pent up for years, afraid that I would come across as too needy

or selfish. After talking with Dr. Q., I felt lighter and more

enthusiastic than ever about making another new beginning.

This time, I believed, the changes were finally going to stick.

The cornerstone of my treatment with Dr. Q. was cognitive-

behavioral therapy (CBT). The cognitive part of CBT involved

looking at my automatic thoughts (for example, ‘‘They’ll think

I’m crazy’’) and learning how to challenge those thoughts as a

way of lowering my anxiety. The behavioral part involved no-

ticing my counterproductive behaviors (for example, avoiding

the phone) and finding more helpful ways of dealing with

situations that made me anxious.

As I examined my own thinking, it soon became clear that I

assumed everyone who came into contact with me immedi-

ately conjured a negative image of the type of person I was. I

read it in their faces, their body

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