What Would the Aunties Say?: A Brown Girl's Guide to Being Yourself and Living Your Best Life by Anchal Seda

Author:Anchal Seda [Seda, Anchal]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Social Science, sociology, General, Self-Help, Personal Growth, self-esteem, Family & Relationships, Life Stages, Teenagers, Young Adult Nonfiction, Social Topics, Self-Esteem & Self-Reliance, Prejudice & Racism
ISBN: 9781398505629
Google: f0MNEAAAQBAJ
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Published: 2021-08-19T23:59:31.706522+00:00

For anyone who is not from a brown family, one thing you need to understand is that you are never just dating your partner – you’re dating their whole family. Or, to be even more accurate, the whole family is dating you.

When you’re dating someone from a brown family, it’s so important that everyone likes you. It’s a lot of pressure. I can’t imagine how scary it must have been for my own brother’s wife when she came to meet his siblings. Three sisters. Three older sisters. And I must say, not one of us is shy or quiet.

I understand how difficult it is to be in your position. You can’t help it if you don’t like someone; sometimes, two people just don’t click, and that’s the way it is. But at the same time, you don’t want to dislike her so much that it causes a rift between you and your brother. No matter what your feelings about her are, you never want to lose that sibling connection. Family is everything.

It’s important to try to understand the things that he likes about her. It sounds like you care about your brother and get on well with him, so it’s unlikely he’s fallen in love with someone who’s completely irredeemable, right? Perhaps he enjoys her sense of humour, or maybe she’s amazingly supportive when he’s down. There’s undeniably something about his girlfriend and their relationship that your brother’s decided he wants to keep in his life for ever.

In Asian families, we sometimes tend to bypass someone’s core happiness because it doesn’t satisfy our own needs or meet our own standards. What you have to remember is that you’re not the person dating her. You’re not the one who has to have pillow talk with her, or take her out on dates. As long as this new girlfriend of your brother’s isn’t being nasty or manipulative, or you’re noticing something really not quite right at all, then your brother’s happiness is what matters most. If your brother is happy, then you have to find happiness in yourself for him.

Just imagine it being the other way around. Think about when you have liked someone, or want to do something and you’ve made your mind up about it. You might not have been 100 per cent certain about it, but you were keen to explore.

But then, along came Auntie who wants to rain on your parade a little. She noticed something unappealing about your idea. She decided you’d be happier if you did something or chose someone else.

It can put you off. You’re left there, agonising about your decision and not knowing what to do. But Auntie? She’s already forgotten about it and moved on. It’s a matter that doesn’t concern her. She most likely didn’t even listen to you, or try to look at why you even wanted to explore that route. Yet, she was happy to put negative thoughts in your head, and then wander off. Remember, the decisions you make in your life are nothing to do with her.

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