What People Want: A Manager's Guide to Building Relationships That Work by Terry R. Bacon

Author:Terry R. Bacon [Bacon, Terry R.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Business & Economics, General, Family & Relationships, Interpersonal Relations, Management, Human Resources & Personnel Management, Business Communication
ISBN: 9780891062165
Publisher: Davies-Black Publishing
Published: 2006-11-01T05:00:00+00:00

Make it as casual as possible, and don’t talk about business unless you must. Even then, keep the business to a minimum. If the person takes

the opportunity to raise business-related issues or concerns, be insanely curious and ask lots of questions but refrain from responding in depth

or lecturing. Just listen—and take notes. Another good opportunity to

get to know people is on business trips, on the airplane or in the rental car or after work in a lounge. The best time to connect with people

on a more personal level is when they are relaxed and know that you

are, too.

A good opening question when you take time out with people is a

simple “How are you doing?” It’s nonthreatening, and it allows the other person to decide how to respond, how much to disclose, and how personal to become in the ensuing conversation. This question suggests

that you care how the person is doing (depending on your tone of

voice), but it’s nonintrusive because it permits superficial as well as thoughtful responses. From that opening, you follow the person’s lead.

Following are some examples that assume that the manager and

MAKING IT PERSONAL ࡯ 129

employee have been working together for several years and have a good

relationship:

Manager:

How are you doing, Sara?

Sara:

Oh fine. No problems.

Manager:

I’m glad to hear it.

Sara:

Do you have any idea when they’re going to install the

operating system upgrades?

Manager:

The upgrades are being phased in. They start on our

group next Tuesday.

In this dialogue, Sara declines the manager’s invitation to do any-

thing more than talk about business, so the manager talks about busi-

ness and does not probe further. However, if Sara had not been herself

lately, had seemed withdrawn or depressed, or had been cranky with her

colleagues, the manager might have probed further:

Manager:

How are you doing, Sara?

Sara:

Oh fine. No problems.

Manager:

I’m glad to hear it, although you haven’t seemed like

yourself lately.

Sara:

How so?

Manager:

Well, you just seem down. Is everything all right?

Sara:

Yeah, it’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it. I’m okay. But

thanks for asking.

If Sara’s performance has been declining or if she’s not working well

with her teammates, the manager has a right to probe further. Here, Sara clearly has something going on in her life that’s causing her a problem, but she’s not willing to talk about it yet (and maybe never). At this point, unless her performance is really problematic, the manager should let it go but remain watchful and raise the issue again if Sara’s temperament

130 ࡯ WHAT PEOPLE WANT

and performance don’t improve. But the dialogue might also have gone

like this:

Manager:

How are you doing, Sara?

Sara:

Oh fine. No problems.

Manager:

I’m glad to hear it, although you haven’t seemed like

yourself lately.

Sara:

How so?

Manager:

Well, you just seem down. Is everything all right?

Sara:

Yeah, it’ll be fine. I just have an issue at home. (pause)

Last week, we found out that my husband has skin can-

cer on his hand. They think they found it early enough

to stop it, but I’ve been worried sick. We both have.

Manager:

Sara, I’m really sorry. That’s not the kind of news you

ever want to hear about a loved one. What can we do to

be helpful?

When

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