Toothpick House by Lee Lynch

Author:Lee Lynch [Lynch, Lee]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, pdf
ISBN: 9781602822047
Publisher: Bold Strokes Books, Inc.
Published: 2010-05-01T04:00:00+00:00

* * * * *

Saturday morning Victoria’s phone rang. She was afraid to answer it. She knew it was Annie’s call to break the week of long suffering silence. Although she knew now that she wanted Annie, she had not conquered her fear of the relationship. Annie would be in a phone booth in the sun, yellow cab running alongside— she could see her sturdy and bright and hopeful against the empty blue enormous sky. Victoria lay on a small oriental rug, another gift from one of her parents’ trips, looking at the ceiling. When she was younger she would pretend to hover just below the ceiling, like an angel, watching her corporeal self perform its crass, worldly functions down below. As she got older she dreamed of becoming a monk or a nun, living a life stripped to its barest essentials, so simple, so close to perfection, so alone. She would share herself with no one.

Later, she dropped the religious trappings and felt enclosed by herself. She planned to look at beautiful things and do her life’s work competently, living a simple life without the complications of marriage or a demanding career. She would stay on in school until she had the credentials to teach enough courses to give her life definition. And spend the rest of her time doing—research? writing? Always there would be a place for her in the sheltered academic world. She had planned to go through her life untouched.

The phone rang again as the sun moved more fully through her window and pinned Victoria with its warmth to her rug. She turned onto her stomach, but the sun just brought the brightness of the rug up to her eyes, smashing them with rich red, yellow and blue. It’s not true, she screamed silently, clasping her hands together, holding them tight while the phone stopped ringing, holding back the pain. I’m lying Anne, come save me, she cried inside. I’m looking for beauty, sensation, but I can’t venture out and enjoy it vicariously through an Etta or through you. You can’t give it to me. You don’t give it to me. Loving you let it out and now it’s out, really out, and I’ll never get it back in, and I need someone to share it with. I don’t want solitude anymore.

Her fear ebbed and she tried once more to reason her way back to safety. She moved to her bed where the sun never went. All right, she admitted, I want her. I never wanted anybody, but Etta showed me what I might need. And I’ve let that need lie fallow in me for years. Until Anne.

She let herself think of Annie Heaphy. She almost smiled, but stopped herself. Why couldn’t she reach out to her again? She didn’t know how. She was frightened. Was she risking too much? Would she be safer ignoring love? Could she ever be strong enough, quick enough to dodge through the traffic of pain and beauty she had seen so briefly? Would Annie teach her? Victoria wondered if she could keep up with Annie.

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