Too Far From Home by Paul Bowles

Author:Paul Bowles
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2015-06-30T16:00:00+00:00

11

‘Are you sleeping better now?’ Tom asked her.

She hesitated. ‘Not really.’

‘What do you mean, not really?’

‘I have a problem,’ she sighed.

‘A problem?’

‘Oh, I might as well tell you.’

‘Of course.’

‘Tom, I think Sekou comes to my room at night.’ ‘What?’ he cried. ‘You’re crazy. What do you mean, he comes to your room?’

‘Just that.’

‘What does he do? Does he say anything?’

‘No, no. He just stands beside my bed in the dark.’ ‘That’s insane.’

‘I know.’

‘You’ve never seen him?’

‘How could I? It’s pitch dark.’

‘You’ve got a flashlight.’

‘Oh, that terrifies me more than anything. To turn it on and actually see him. Who knows what he’d do then, once he knew I’d seen him.’

‘He’s not a criminal. God, why are you so damned nervous? You’re safer here than you would be anywhere back in New York.’

‘I believe you,’ she said. ‘But that’s not the point.’ ‘What is the point? You think he comes and stands by your bed. Why do you think he does that?’

‘That’s the worst part of all. I can’t tell you. It’s too frightening.’

‘Why? Do you think he’s planning to rape you?’

‘Oh no! It’s nothing like that. What I feel is that he’s willing me to dream. He’s willing me to dream a dream I can’t bear.’

‘A dream about him?’

‘No. He’s not even in the dream.’

Tom was exasperated. ‘But what is this? What are we talking about, finally? You say Sekou wants you to have a certain dream, and you have it. So then he comes the next night, and you’re afraid you’ll have it again. According to you, why does he do

this? I mean, what interest would he have in doing it?’

‘I don’t know. That makes it more horrible. I know you think it’s ridiculous. Or you think I’m imagining it all.’

‘No, I don’t say that. But since you’ve never seen anything, how can you be sure it’s Sekou and not somebody else?’

Later in the day he said to her: ‘Anita, are you taking vitamins?’

She laughed. ‘Lord, yes. Dr Kirk gave me all kinds. Vitamins and minerals. He said the soil here probably was deficient in mineral salts. Oh, I’m sure you think I have some sort of chemical imbalance that causes the dreaming. That could be. But it isn’t the dream itself that scares me. Although God knows it’s too repulsive to talk about.’

He interrupted. ‘Is it sexual?’

‘If it were,’ she said, ‘it would be a lot easier to describe. The thing is, I can’t describe it.’ She shuddered. ‘It’s too confusing. And it makes me feel sick to think of it.’

‘Maybe you should let me be your analyst. What happens during the dream?’

‘Nothing happens. 1 only know something terrible is on its way. But as I say, it’s not the dream that bothers me. It’s knowing I’m being obliged to have it, knowing that black man is standing there inventing it and forcing me into it. That’s too much.’

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