Seven Kinds of People You Find in Bookshops by Shaun Bythell

Author:Shaun Bythell
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Profile
Published: 2020-12-15T00:00:00+00:00

Type three

SPECIES: CONIUNX VEXATA (BORED SPOUSE)

This is not a gender-specific species. It never fails to baffle me that someone could be bored in a bookshop, with the possible exception of someone who can’t read, which pretty much excludes all adults. Loath as I am to quote the creator of Game of Thrones, George R. R. Martin, it’s hard to argue with his observation that ‘a reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads lives only one.’ Nevertheless, the bored spouse can be recognised immediately because the first thing they’ll do is find the most comfortable seat in the shop and remain there until their partner has finished browsing, or becomes acutely aware that their waiting spouse’s patience is a finite commodity, and one that is being rapidly exhausted. The mobile phone is a mixed blessing, but since its advent at least bored spouse can play Candy Crush Saga to distract themselves until their partner has satisfied their craving for literature. The signals that the bored spouse has had enough are easily recognised: folded arms, plenty of sighing, frequent checking of their watch. It’s probably not fair to lump them in with loiterers as a genus but they’re certainly not in the shop to buy a book, so I think the classification can remain. Bored spouse is often accompanied by a dog, which provides them with the perfect excuse to harass their other half in the relationship, complaining that the dog is bored. In most cases, the literary spouse will be more concerned about canine ennui than that of their partner, and capitulate after the statutory fifteen minutes of browsing which they’re granted on these rare occasions.

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