To Have and Not to Hold by Lorri Antosz Benson

Author:Lorri Antosz Benson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Familius
Published: 2016-07-11T00:00:00+00:00

We sat on the couch together and looked at Alexandra. This was our eighth or ninth session with her. Since it was his idea, Andrew had insisted on paying the bills for our time with her. In some ways, I felt like I was along for the ride, and that ride was a Mercedes-Benz. It was such a luxury to pay someone to sit and listen to your problems and then to hear their objective opinions on your personal situation. If I’m honest, I’m not sure it changed anything or really helped us solve anything, but it did help us to understand our relationship, and it was interesting to do the exercises and try to connect the dots.

During the last session, Alexandra had delved into the fact that we had been apart on Aimee’s second birthday. I had spent it alone at home, and it turned out that Andrew had spent it alone as well. We had both talked about how it was impossible to imagine that we had a two-year-old daughter growing up somewhere out in the world. I wondered what today’s topic was going to be.

“So, Lorri,” Alexandra looked at me. “Tell me why you think you always take Andrew back, given that he hasn’t been able to commit to the relationship?”

I looked back at her, and then at Andrew, who had turned on the couch to look curiously at me too. “Well, I really don’t know the answer to that,” I said honestly. “But I haven’t taken him back this time. I’m coming to these sessions with him, but we’re not back together.”

“Why is that?” she asked simply.

“I guess I’m afraid we’ll just fall right back into the old patterns,” I replied. “We’ve done this so many times, and it always ends up with him pulling away. It starts out great, and we’re close and committed, and then he puts up all the walls and the intimacy goes away. It’s like he can’t make up his mind, and I just don’t want to do it anymore.”

“How much of this has to do with Aimee, do you think?” she probed.

“For me?” I asked. “I don’t think it DOES have to do with Aimee. It has to do with Andrew and his inability to move forward.”

Alexandra leaned forward, elbows on knees. “Do you know that studies of couples who lost children show that regardless of how their pregnancies ended, couples are more likely to split up if they are living together rather than married, if the mother is young, and if the relationship is less than one year old?”

I looked blankly at her. “Well, that’s a trifecta for us,” I said humorlessly, “and we weren’t even living together.”

“My point,” she continued, “is that you’re still here trying, and that is unusual.”

“Trying . . . that’s the optimal word here,” I answered. “Not succeeding.”

She looked at Andrew and then back at me. “Lorri, have you ever thought that maybe you just will never be able to forgive Andrew?”

“Forgive him?” I repeated.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.