To Build a Vow by Chencia C. Higgins

Author:Chencia C. Higgins
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: EKOL Media
Published: 2018-10-19T20:48:52+00:00

Chapter Seven

Jeremiah

Maybe it was arrogance, but I never expected Lisa to say no. I figured that if she could say yes to anyone, it would be me.

So, then again…maybe that was ignorance. Lisa had been telling me no, consistently, for years. That little factoid didn’t stop my heart from dropping into the bottom of my shoes, though. And my dumb ass told her that I would leave her alone if she still wanted to leave. I was that confident that the outpouring of my affection would be enough to sway her back into my arms. Now, I look like a grade A fool and I was hurting in a way I had never experienced.

Lisa was truly done with me. All of these years that I’d spent being the best man that I could be so that I could give her everything she deserved—and more—had been reduced to a pile of shit with a smell that would permeate for a long time. That wasn’t just a metaphor. The smell was so strong that it made me physically sick; I’d been puking for a week straight.

Outside of taking Ja’mya to school and picking her up, I didn’t leave the house. I didn’t go into the office. I didn’t show houses. I didn’t take on any new clients. I didn’t answer emails. Instead, I had to reschedule two meetings with Donny concerning the upcoming open house we had been working toward, and I didn’t even take the weekly conference call with the team. I just…checked out. Even the act of shuffling to the bathroom to take a piss felt like a struggle. What was the point of doing anything anyway? It was as if my Technicolor world had been painted gray and turned into a silent movie. The shit was depressing.

And the depression felt debilitating. Mentally, I knew that I needed to be there for my baby girl, that seeing me like this wasn’t good for her, that I wasn’t being fair to her. None of that made it easier to get up. Each day that passed, I told myself that I would be better for Ja’mya, if for no other reason, and I tried, I swear I did, but there was a little voice in the back of my head—a voice that sounded suspiciously like my mama—that asked when I was going to do something for myself.

But shit.

What did that mean? Honestly, I don’t even know what that looks like. I’d been doing for other people since I was ten months old and my parents brought Jereth home from Jefferson Regional. It was second nature for my actions to be in service of someone other than myself. I’d worked so hard to make Lisa happy and apparently it was all for naught because here I was left holding the bag while she gave another man the happiness that I thought I had earned.

On the eighth day following my final bout of insanity at the gas station, my family decided they’d had enough.

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