Through the Eyes of Aliens: A Book About Autistic People by Jasmine Lee O'Neill

Author:Jasmine Lee O'Neill [O'Neill, Jasmine Lee]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Social Science, People With Disabilities, Psychology, Psychopathology, General, Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Autism & Asperger's Syndrome, Autism
ISBN: 1853027103
Google: qTrLFmE2BlkC
Amazon: 1853027103
Goodreads: 1857426
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Published: 1998-09-01T04:00:00+00:00

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NINE

Relationships

Because of the social and communication differences in Autism, relationships can be very difficult. Some of the problems will be explained here, as well as how it feels from many autistic people’s point of view.

It probably isn’t possible for any autistic to have a so-called normal relationship with anybody. Relationships involve emotions and allowing another person to come close to you. A major stumbling block to regular relationships is the fact that the other person is outside the autistic world. Even to get involved with another autistic is to get involved with a separate person who isn’t you.

Autistic children can feel close to their families. They can have a special love as long as things are gentle and non-threatening. They enjoy being with people they feel secure around. They can become quite attached to those who are kind and who protect them, and are patient and caring. They certainly are capable of loving their parents and receiving love, although it can be a very unusual, unique love. There is a refreshing purity and innocence about autistic people.

In friendships autistic individuals desire the same virtues that regular people probably would like: honesty, patience, caring, and consistency. Autistics tend to take things to extremes, including fears, obsessions, likes, and all their personality traits. Sometimes they do actually react the same way as other people do, only their reactions are much more pronounced.

An interesting barrier to relationships is the autistic need for sameness in the environment. That includes surrounding people! An autistic person is confused by other people’s actions. She is disturbed by their unpredictability. Any time that you respond to, approach, or deal with another, you don’t know what that other will do. That risk is too great for an autistic to take. Because autistics think so differently from non-autistics, there is a natural separation between them. That doesn’t actually have to be a bad thing. It’s rather like a cultural difference between people of different nations. Some people who grew up in Europe and are very immersed in a European way of life, may be startled, confused, overwhelmed by moving to Vietnam – especially if the individual doesn’t speak Vietnamese. An acclimatization process occurs, however, so in time, the European takes on the Vietnamese way of life.

That does not happen with an autistic, except occasionally superficially. An autistic person can learn to mimic others, but never truly grows to understand why they do what they do. So I feel it is foolish to try to make someone mimic others. It makes no sense.

Autistics are content within themselves. Their own souls must give them comfort, since so much of what is outside them doesn’t regularly give them the comfort they need. They are meticulous in arranging their world. They gather and catalogue the objects that are part of their world tightly about themselves. Whenever bringing a new object into their experience, they purify it, make it acceptable to be a portion of themselves. Then it feels safe enough to enrich their realm. That can’t be done with people.

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