The Translator's Bride by João Reis

Author:João Reis
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Open Letter
Published: 2019-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

VIII

I wake up, the scarf is at my side, I clutched it while sleeping, taking into account the faint light coming in, I conclude it’s still early, I slept restlessly, tossed and turned in my bed, dreamlessly fell asleep just to daydream soon after, although most nightmares vanished from my memory, I do remember a moment in which I woke up sweating and kept myself in a torpor between consciousness and unconsciousness, Helena was aboard a sinking ship, the waters dragged her to a desolate, gray coastline, inhabited by seagulls and rocks, there were pebbles on the beach and she, barefoot, cut her toes, I arrived on the scene from inland, emerged from a hole, foes suddenly began to run out of the water, they were ordinary people, fellows I could find any day on a streetcar or in business offices, nevertheless, they ran with an angry look, they had swords in their hands, I was armed with a rifle onto whose muzzle I fixed a bayonet, then I started shooting, Helena disappeared from sight, I fired incessantly, my maimed and suffering enemies died and faded into thin air, they never reached me, I killed, cut them with the bayonet, shot, blood was spilled, I wanted to protect Helena but couldn’t find her anymore, I did everything I could to save her, a pointless task, because she got tired of waiting for me, she didn’t say it out loud but one could feel it, she simply ran away, and despite that I knew she was nowhere to be found, I proceeded to kill my enemies, I shot them in the head, chest, legs, I did it without moving an inch, rooted in the same spot, I fought every single one of them but did not move forward, didn’t draw near Helena, it became clear that fighting for her was a lost cause, useless since she was not with me, nonetheless I persisted, no one helped me, I shot and shot until I finally woke up.

I raise myself on my elbow, the light is too faint to create a shadow of my profile on the wall over me, I don’t know why I’m thinking about this sleepless dream, I’ve a sour taste in my mouth, tastes like iron, blood, a nasty hot liquid is burning my esophagus, the stew isn’t sitting well, I put down the scarf, don’t wish to soil it, these nightmares are awful, they disappear but leave behind an unstable, hidden feeling, I’d rather forget these dreams, exhaustion consumes me, I feel pain in my neck and am so sad as I lay down to sleep, I can’t let melancholy weigh me down, I’ll have a busy day, can’t even waste time by eating breakfast and sharing kind words with my illustrious neighbors, I’ll leave home as soon as I wash and get dressed, I don’t need food, I’m self-sufficient, indestructible, those nightmares mean nothing to me, they’re mere brain contractions, a loose and irrational imagination connecting memories

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