The Smart Girls Handbook by Scarlett V Clark

Author:Scarlett V Clark
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781789562323
Publisher: Trigger
Published: 2020-02-14T16:00:00+00:00

FRIENDSHIPS THAT STOP WORKING

An unsupportive friend is a toxic friend, and just as you would in a relationship, you need to break up with that girl or woman. According to a recent survey, 80 per cent of women have had a toxic female friend, so don’t worry about being alone in this.

Toxic relationships and friendships are hugely detrimental to our lives and confidence so you need to register the signs early on to be able to nip them in the bud. Life is too short and too beautiful to have unsupportive or manipulative friends who will either discourage you from going after your dream or hold on to your success and live vicariously through you.

They might be someone to judge you, gossip behind your back or even make it their mission to be in competition with you. You might not even realize that a relationship has turned toxic or unhealthy, so every so often take a view, pause for a minute and ask yourself what you are hoping for from your friendships.

Once we have found our friends, sometimes we evolve in a way that changes the relationship. I am all for evolving and becoming the best versions of ourselves, but some friends struggle with that. I had a fantastic friend throughout my university years – notice I said had. We were practically attached at the hip, our values were the same and we both were building online platforms. Jasmin had started hers years before Smart Girl Tribe though so when I started getting invited to exclusive blogging events and parties, she was a little jealous. No matter how many times I invited her along, Jasmin wasn’t interested. One evening, she pulled me aside after a lecture and told me we could no longer be friends. Why? Because apparently seeing me do so much was making her feel as though she wasn’t doing enough. It hit me like a train. The “break-up” affected me for an entire year. It’s one thing having a boyfriend say you’re too ambitious for his liking, but a best friend? My ride or die? I did learn from that experience though. Never dim your light for someone else, putting out your fire won’t keep others warm. Don’t stop being yourself for a “friendship”.

The media has perpetuated an image that we should be pitting ourselves against each other, and some women will do that naturally. They will decide to put themselves in competition with you and that’s unfortunate for everyone. We witness healthy competitiveness every day in the sporting arena but it is a dangerous form of competition when girls compete with you out of jealousy and spite. I have had my fair share of women trying to compete with me but I focus on me, my lane. If a woman is competing with you to the point they are making it their mission to bring you down, look at the source. Where is that behaviour and attitude stemming from? Is there an inner and fundamental reason why they feel less than?

We need to embrace women more, and approach successful women differently.

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