The Peach Who Thought She Had to Be a Coconut by Terry Rubenstein & Brian Rubenstein

Author:Terry Rubenstein & Brian Rubenstein
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: self-help
ISBN: 9781785386763
Publisher: Andrews UK Limited 2017
Published: 2017-05-24T00:00:00+00:00

Resilience Revisited

Not long ago, I began working with a lovely young teenager named Diana who was going through a very difficult time. In vividly describing how she was very needy of attention, Diana, in her own words, told me that she was “low on love”.

Diana expressed how she had felt let down by a lot of people in her life. She shared how all her current dysfunctional behaviours stemmed (at least, in her mind) from this gaping vacuum inside her, always “too deep and too wide too fill.” It saddened me to hear how alone Diana felt, how she was attempting to fill her loneliness in ways that seemed to create more of the very feeling she wanted to get rid of. But at the same time, I felt reassured at how misleading this was.

It struck me when listening to Diana that “low on love” was a thought she had carried around for a long time. It emerged from an innocent misunderstanding at a moment in her life when it looked to be true. This thought had been innocently nurtured into a belief that had given birth to many more thoughts that reinforced its heavy and loaded message. These supporting thoughts were all the evidence Diana needed. They bore witness to this “truth” of hers and rejected anything that seemed unaligned with that truth.

Diana’s story was a heavy weight for her to bear. I could immediately envisage some of the feelings that would invariably flow from the weight of this story:

Resentment and hurt: “They don’t care about me.”

Disappointment: “They let me down again.”

Loneliness: “There is no one who understands me or whom I trust to love me like I need to be loved.”

I shared with Diana how each time these thoughts came to mind for her, Consciousness would bring it to life as a feeling. Because Diana thought it, she had to feel it.

Diana had never entertained that “low on love” had been borne of mere energy, and had thus crept into her mind and heart out of a simple misunderstanding. We discussed the origins of “low on love.” How it sneaked in when Diana felt “let down” by her distracted parents (her words) for the first time. She assumed that they were responsible for the empty feeling inside, not realising that it was actually the quiet voice of Thought whispering to her and creating a reaction of feelings in her sensory system. Each time her trust was broken by a friend or a loved one, Diana mistakenly assumed that the rejection and emptiness came from them. Each time, a notch was added on the belt of “low on love” until it threatened to strangle her if she didn’t do something.

Diana did not realise that the feelings were coming from Thought and not from other people. If she had realised this, the taut belt would have immediately slackened, allowing her to breathe in her own pure oxygen. She would have experienced resilience in place of loneliness.

Resilience is revealed when misunderstanding falls away.

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