The Liberation of Sita by Volga

Author:Volga
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: null
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers India
Published: 2016-09-01T04:00:00+00:00

Urmila’s palace was all decorated on the outside. But the doors of her room remained shut. Charumati knocked gently on the door and said, ‘Amma! Your sister, Janaki Devi, has come to see you.’

Sita was nervous.

How will Urmila look? What will she say? What will she ask me? How should I respond? The doors did not open.

Sita called out herself.

‘Urmila, it’s me, your sister. I’ll tell you everything. Please forgive us and open the door.’

The doors of Urmila’s room opened.

Urmila stood in front of her. Sita was shocked for a moment. This was not the Urmila she knew. There was innocence in those eyes earlier. Some royal haughtiness too. Her stately mien was that of a queen. What was it that glowed in those eyes? There was a rare poise and dignity in the way she carried herself. What was that radiance in her face? While Sita was still recovering, Urmila came closer, touched her feet and sat her down.

‘Urmila, I’ve been thinking about you these fourteen years. I’m very sorry.’ Tears welled up in Sita’s eyes.

‘You must be angry with us.’

Urmila smiled lovingly but solemnly.

‘I’m not angry with anyone.’

‘Then why did you distance yourself like this? If you were not angry, why did you lock yourself up in a room like this? Express your anger, your wrath. But do not isolate yourself. Tell me what happened; why are you doing this?’

Urmila smiled.

‘I’ll tell you, Akka—who else can I speak to? No one else will understand. That’s why I’ve been silent.’

Sita waited eagerly.

‘Akka, initially I did close these doors in anger. My husband left me without uttering a word to me, without any concern for my opinion, without even giving me a thought, devoting himself entirely to his brother. That day I burned in fury. I wanted to turn this royal household upside down with my revolt.

‘Everyone was grieving for you all. No one even looked at me. In helpless anger, I too decided not to look at anyone. I began my protest.’

Sita was trying to understand Urmila.

‘When I began, it was, indeed, wrath. But gradually it turned into a quest for truth—within me and with myself. Why so much fury—fury that consumed me—fury that wanted to burn everyone? Why this anguish? I knew the cause. But a longing to delve deeper into that cause was born in me without my noticing it. What is anger? What is sorrow? What is joy? What is the relation between my body and these feelings and emotions that I experience? Many such questions—they engulfed me. I began to observe my body, my thoughts, and the emotions they triggered within me. Any distraction to this process annoyed me. That’s why I desired solitude. Not loneliness, solitude. The solitude in which I could converse within and with myself.

‘That conversation brought me and the people related to me face to face. It dissected relationships. I began to probe the essence of each of my relationships—with Father, with you, Lakshmana, Sri Rama, Kausalya—peeling them layer by layer.

‘I loved you as my elder sister.

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