The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson

Author:Susan Anderson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Group US
Published: 2014-08-04T16:00:00+00:00

REVERSING THE LOSS

“I didn’t find it necessary to rage against my wife’s behavior,” said Carlyle, “even though she was the one who left me. I was able to understand that she was just being herself, doing what she felt necessary at the time. Getting angry didn’t change anything.

“Some of my friends insisted that I wouldn’t be able to heal properly unless I got in touch with how angry I was at her. They were angry with her for what she did. But I was in my own rage—not about her but about life. In fact, I felt like an angry bear, growling and frothing at the mouth over the ordeal I had ahead of me to get a new life started for myself. Why make this rage all about her, when it was really all about me—the pain I was in, the isolation from my family, the loneliness? That’s what I was agitating about, not who was wrong or who did what to whom, but how to turn it around.”

Carlyle is not the only abandonment survivor who is able to bypass the need to get angry at his lost loved one and move directly toward rebuilding his life, but he is not in the majority. Most feel the need to direct their anger toward the one who left.

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