The Effective Manager by Mark Horstman

Author:Mark Horstman
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781119244608
Publisher: Wiley
Published: 2016-04-04T00:00:00+00:00

Friendship implies a social obligation to someone else. We can surmise this from the number of times any number of us have agreed with one person's viewpoint on a particular topic—most commonly someone else's behavior—only later to contradict ourselves by agreeing with a different friend's totally opposite take on the situation in question. We may not directly contradict ourselves, perhaps. We may not even particularly “believe” either side with whom we are agreeing at the moment. But far more tellingly on behalf of the obligations “friendship” suggest, we agree with both as a function of the friendship and then are willing to argue that we aren't agreeing with either but are simply keeping the peace.

Friendships also cause the majority of us to enter into an implicit understanding regarding the secrecy of our friends' communications with us. One of the hallmarks of friendship is, in fact, an unstated understanding that the relationship confers the ability to share some things that normally would be closely held, or withheld from others. This “friendship confidentiality” can be invoked at any time, and, what's more, invoked retroactively: “Hey, by the way, what I just said, you won't share that, right?”

Indeed, the existence of this part of a friend relationship is so inseparable from the friendship itself that if it were revoked, the very revocation—not based on the nature of the topic, but simply the revocation, irrespective of the topic—would damage the relationship. It would not be seen as a difference of opinion or a misunderstanding to have a friend say, after you have shared something you considered private, “Hey, sorry, but that thing you mentioned—I don't think I can keep that to myself.” You would surely stare at your “friend” in disbelief.

With both of these ideas—social obligation and implied secrecy—friendships run afoul of a manager's professional obligations. A manager cannot expect to be treated as a professional if she at times accepts the different set of moral obligations that friendship also implies. If you're a manager, a part of you knows this. It's not a joy to talk about, but we can't just ignore the friction between our various sets of obligations.

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