The Dark Matter of Natasha by Matthew R. Davis

Author:Matthew R. Davis
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Grey Matter Press
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

* * *

Whilst I had all of Sunday night cleared to meet with Caitlin, I still had to get through the morning and afternoon. Mum had compiled a short list of things she wanted me to do around the park, and while she worked in the office—looking reasonably fresh for someone who’d gotten a rare drunk on the night before—I drudged my way through the chores.

The third thing on the list was Weeds. A fresh patch was sprouting up along the edge of the paved walkway leading to the office door, and at ten o’clock I was tearing them out by the handful and tossing them into a bucket. My actions were as tense and unrelenting as my thoughts—I couldn’t stop myself from going over last night, imagining what had happened after I’d left. My mind was only too keen to supply likely scenes, always with a dash of violence about them: Natasha naked on her knees, coarse fingers knotted in her hair or gripping her soft arms hard enough to bruise, brutish cocks shoving at her lips, lit cigarettes laying hissing kisses on the pale slopes of her breasts, everything smoke and semen and beer and blood.

I told myself that if these things had happened, she had let them. It didn’t make me any less angry. And so this is how I was when I heard the shuffle of grass underfoot, smelled the increasingly familiar scent of cigarette smoke, and knew who was standing behind me.

“Hey,” she said eventually.

“Hey,” I grunted, without looking up. I yanked another fistful of weeds and shoved them into the bucket, burning for Natasha to apologise or make amends in some way and knowing she never would. “You’re up early.”

“Haven’t slept yet,” she said.

“How are your mates?”

“Crashed out. They’ll sleep all day. I’m meeting ‘em later. We made an arrangement.”

I didn’t answer. The only sound was the ripping of weeds.

“It’s gonna happen tonight,” Natasha murmured.

“Oh? What’s that, then?”

She paused, then quietly said, “Nothing.”

“Oh, right.” My voice was thick with sarcasm. “Well, thanks for letting me know.”

I could feel anger simmering off my skin, and surely she could, too. In any case, she lingered behind me for a few seconds as if wondering whether to say more. Then I heard her feet scything through the grass as she stalked away.

Good riddance, I thought then.

But I didn’t mean it.

Oh, fuck me—I didn’t mean it.

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