The Character Code by Dr. Taylor Hartman Ph.D

Author:Dr. Taylor Hartman, Ph.D.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scribner

BRAD

One of my most rewarding therapeutic interventions came in disguise. Brad was a bright young man with a refreshing optimism and quick wit. Disabled from a medical malpractice, this thirty-year-old single man refused to let his physical pain keep him down. He was intense with his feelings and deliberate in his actions. It quickly became evident that Brad wanted help with a much more serious matter.

“I know you know why I have come to see you,” he asserted after seeing me about a month. “You already have it figured out, don’t you? I want to tell you and that is why I keep coming back. I need desperately to trust someone,” he said, looking away from me. “I hope you are the right one to tell. I have had so much bottled up inside me for so many years.”

Brad had never shared his frustration with his homosexual identity, which he had struggled with for decades. Over the next eight months we processed all the feelings, emotions, and behaviors he had experienced in his dual life. Such an intense Blue individual does not superficially experience anything—especially a sexual identity.

After years of empty sexual activity and tired of living alone, he decided he wanted to share his life with someone. He wished it could be a woman but felt it must be a man. He pursued and found a man. Before engaging in a full-fledged sexual relationship, however, they both agreed to be tested for HIV. Brad tested positive. Neither expected the test results. Both agreed to terminate the relationship.

“Now I must pay the price,” he said, weeping.

Now he would pay for the “free” lunches in his life. Now he would clear his debt. He was a devastated human being.

Initially, he experienced tremendous anger at God and himself for “being the way he was.” Then he attacked his father for not loving him enough. Eventually he blamed almost everyone. Exhausted, he finally surrendered, and accepted a more charactered path. He began lifting weights regularly, taking medication, and dating women. He knew he needed to find a woman who could accept him with the complete knowledge of his sexual identity issues and the disease that now consumed him. He rejected the homosexual lifestyle because he felt he could no longer live in a world that had infected him with cause for a premature death.

He found Beverly. Beverly had her own sexual dysfunction and frustration with men. She was neurotic in relationships and skillfully dodged men for thirty-one years. Marriage to a handsome, caring (albeit homosexual) man appeared to be a stroke of luck to Beverly. Neither cared much for a sexual relationship with the other, which sealed the deal.

Three weeks following their wedding, Brad entered my office completely frustrated. “If I had known any human being could be this inadequate, I would have never married her,” he said. “She is a slob, completely inconsiderate, and an emotional mess. I thought I would have to go to the bottom of the barrel to find someone who would have me in marriage, and I obviously did.

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