The Autism Mom's Survival Guide (for Dads, too!) by Susan Senator

Author:Susan Senator
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Shambhala

MOVING FROM STRUGGLING PARENT TO BALANCED HUMAN BEING

Sometimes I find it really difficult to take an afternoon off, or just an hour off, even when it is practically handed to me tied up in a bow. I cannot always make the transition to tending to my own happiness. It is not easy for me to shift seamlessly from one mode of being to another. Especially during a crisis time, my friendships often fade, and when it comes time for a get-together, it is not unusual for me to find myself reluctant to go. Why? I still don’t understand that fully.

This kind of self-defeating behavior is surely the road to hell. Maybe I’m like Nat in the sense that I have trouble transitioning, in this case, from my drudgery at home to the freedom of an evening out with a friend. Maybe it’s because the hell we are used to is preferable to the unknown and new? When I am down in the inferno, right when I need a break most is when I am most likely to cancel an outing with a friend at the last minute.

In these situations, it’s good for me to have a little reminder pinned to the fridge or somewhere prominent that says “You should go. You need this. It will be fun.” Or I ask my husband to push me out the door for a night out. But sometimes I have that inexplicable reluctance, or sometimes I feel selfish leaving, and the guilt suffuses me and threatens to spoil the fun. In times like these, I find it is best to pare down the outing to a bearable amount of time, maybe to a cup of coffee, something that only takes an hour.

Or sometimes I find a way to transition to a pleasurable outing by turning to one of my “Keys to the Universe.” Some time ago I realized that there were some simple activities and products that always, always worked for me, every time. They are not big-deal items, but are rather everyday things that granted a small bit of satisfaction right when I needed it. Sometimes using one of these is all it takes for me to feel human again and to get me out the door.

Some “Keys to the Universe”

(Small Pleasures That Make a Big Difference)

• Plunge into a hobby for a brief moment. For example, I take a few minutes and go to bhuz.com to connect with the international belly dance community (for news and a great swap meet). I might decide to buy a new belly dance accessory: a hip scarf, veil, CD, or finger cymbals, to keep my interest alive. Acquiring any small item that is about your hobby works wonders for taking you out of a lousy moment and into a better one.

• Go out to a nice dinner with a close friend. For me, it’s dinner with one of my best girlfriends (the ones who laugh at all my stupid jokes), complete with a pomegranate martini and tuna tataki rolls.

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