the post-adoption blues: overcoming the unforeseen challenges of adoption by Karen J. Foli Ph.D & John R. Thompson M.D

Author:Karen J. Foli, Ph.D & John R. Thompson, M.D.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Rodale Press
Published: 2004-03-15T00:00:00+00:00

Appreciate the difference between owning this parenting experience and feeling that you have to defend and explain it to others. Again, our self-worth is emotionally tied up in how competent we feel as parents. You know you’re not a saint, but that doesn’t make you a bad parent, either.

Communicate your needs to loved ones. Educating others about adoption and educating others about your needs are two different issues. The former has to do with our society and the latter has to do with you.

Specific, concrete statements that express your needs will help others to understand and support you pre- and post-adoption. The more you own this experience, the more others will be able to meet your needs.

Extended families can grow closer as they reflect on the unconditional love of this child. Carmen, who was in the labor and delivery room with the birthmother, also has an adopted sister. After years of infertility followed by adopting her infant son, Carmen had this to say about her extended family:

I feel a closer bond with my mother since I adopted. We were always very close, but my son has brought us even closer. And my sister—our bond has changed also. I think partly because we’re both mothers now. She sees me as an equal instead of as her little sister. But I think the fact that I love my son unconditionally, the way that I love her, kind of touches a soft spot in her. I know she loves all of her nieces and nephews equally, but she definitely has a different bond with my son.

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