Substitute for Love by Karin Kallmaker

Author:Karin Kallmaker [Kallmaker, Karin]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Fiction, Lesbian, Contemporary, Romance, General
ISBN: 9781931513623
Google: 785NPgAACAAJ
Amazon: 1931513627
Publisher: Bella Books
Published: 2001-01-02T00:00:00+00:00

8

Audra set the first heavy photo album in front of Holly. “I knew that Zinnia would destroy them if she had them, so I took them like a thief in the night. It was after she took you, but before they cleared out the house.” After a pause to dab her nose with a tissue, she opened to the first photograph.

It was too much, too fast. Holly looked at the tiny infant in the photograph and felt no connection. How could that be her? She had no memory of seeing this picture before. The child had a frown that seemed to stretch from head to toe.

“You hated the flashbulb. I think you figured out early on that cameras meant purple spots in your eyes. You’ve always been camera-shy.” With a sigh, Audra turned to the next page.

Her mother looked younger than Holly ever remembered. The studio portrait answered all of Holly’s questions save one. Facing her mother was Audra, and between them she was nestled as something they shared.

Aunt Zinnia would never have let Holly see this picture. It was too honest and, as was often true of unvarnished honesty, inflammatory. White and black, two women, a baby — a formula that too many people, even twenty-six years later, rejected in every permutation.

But it was the truth of her start in life, a constant she had only lately understood she was missing. She took another tissue from the box Audra had brought near. “You were always a part of me.”

“Always.” Audra’s voice was low and even, though she drew the occasional ragged breath. “I cut the cord.”

She looked at Audra, curious about the story of her birth, but there were more pressing needs. “I don’t know how—” She had to begin again. “Why don’t I remember you very well? Why—” She watched helplessly as Audra wrapped her long arms across her stomach and rocked, letting the tears fall. “I’m sorry…”

“My fault, child, all my fault. I had help down the road, but I chose the path. You can’t understand, not after all this time.”

“Try me,” Holly said gently. “Tell me.”

“It’s not the world you live in. I look back, and my choices don’t make any sense.” She sighed. “When you were six we were shopping. You were always so serious about things being correct. You sorted your Halloween candy, and laid out doll clothes in functional groups.” A laugh broke the tears and Audra seemed to let go of some of the painful past. “When you were four you lined up all your toys in order of height so they could all see your puppet show. You were always exceptional, and we knew it.”

She let Audra talk, hearing the occasional soft consonant that spoke of a southern birthplace. The lilt of it seemed familiar to her, just as the erect way Audra carried herself was.

“We were shopping, you see, and you were bored while Lily paid the clerk. Up and down, you wanted me to hold you, to carry you, to hang you upside down, up and down.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.