Smart Talk: The Public Speaker's Guide to Success in Every Situation by Lisa B. Marshall

Author:Lisa B. Marshall [Marshall, Lisa B.]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
Published: 2013-01-21T14:00:00+00:00

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Quick Quiz: What is your preferred style of conflict management? Does it change depending on who you are in conflict with or what the conflict is about? Think about your boss. What do you think is his or her preferred style of dealing with conflict?

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Step #2: Prepare for a Difficult Conversation

None of us have a single style of dealing with conflict, but we do tend to rely on a specific style more heavily than on others. To manage a difficult conversation successfully, it’s important to understand your own conflict management style as well as that of your conversation partner. You’ll also want to consider the magnitude of the issue. For example, is this a major setback, a final warning before firing, a termination, or a serious allegation on the level of harassment? You’ll need to think about and plan for reactions that might be difficult for you to handle.

It will be important to get your emotions under control as well. Particularly for sensitive topics, you may initially react by making immediate judgments and casting blame. It’s important to change your orientation instead to genuine curiosity so that you can be open to learning.

The best approach is to assume that you might have overlooked something. Ask yourself, “If I did contribute to this problem, in what ways could that be?” It’s important to recognize that your behaviors could possibly be part of the problem.

Sometimes that’s not enough. If it’s a really important relationship and you don’t want to hurt it (by saying something stupid), you’ll need to gain an even broader perspective. If possible, talk to a mutually trusted third party to help you understand the situation even better and clearly identify what went wrong. Often a third party can present a point of view or advice without emotional attachment. A trusted advisor can often provide more clarity on the situation and enable you to understand better how the other person might view the situation.

If you don’t have someone to go to for support, instead try to find others who have already gone through the same issue. Or you might want to try to find an expert who has dealt with the same issue many times before; they can help you understand the possible best approaches and possible alternative responses. Ultimately the responsibility of a good communicator is to anticipate concerns and questions and have all the information researched and ready.

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