Shame by Joseph Burgo

Author:Joseph Burgo
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin's Press

thirteen

BLAME AND INDIGNATION

I WORKED WITH NICOLE OFF and on for many years, first in person in Los Angeles, then over the telephone after she was married and her husband received a transfer, and finally by videoconferencing once technology made it possible. Most therapists have worked with long-term clients like Nicole who have played a central role in their professional development. She entered treatment when my views still adhered closely to my early training, which was grounded in object relations theory and focused on difficulties in enduring need and dependency; she stayed with me as my views on shame evolved. Sometimes clients must wait for their therapists to grow enough to be able to help them.

Nicole also helped me to understand the importance of shared joy in developing self-esteem. In the early days of our work together, I functioned sort of as a blank screen; over time I began to convey my own affection more openly and to express my sincere joy when she made progress or achieved an important goal. Through my work with Nicole and a few other clients, I eventually learned that the love you feel for your long-term clients (and they for you) is the single most important factor in their development of self-esteem. Helping such clients to grow makes therapists feel good about themselves too.

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